Montreal Residents Riot After Forgetting What it's Like to Win

Forty one people were arrested in Montreal following the Canadiens' game seven ouster of the Pittsburgh Penguins. As the game ended residents began to pour into the streets and started to loot stores, break windows, and vandalize private property. The most malicious of partiers even began raping churches, burning women, and committing acts of general pillagery and douchebaggery. Keep in mind, they won the game.

Clearly, the residents of Montreal have been so detached from winning for so long, that they have forgotten how to celebrate, or even understand the concept of winning. For example, let's say you're playing a nice game of Trivial Pursuit with some dinner guests, and you win the game. You don't celebrate by smashing your television in with a brick. I do, but that's something else entirely. After all, my family is my television.

Yet this is not the first time that the residents of Montreal have taken to the streets in anger after a glorious victory in the playoffs. They rioted to a much greater extent in 2008 when the Habs beat the Bruins in a first round playoff series. There was also rioting after their 1986 and 1993 Stanley Cup victories.

Now you may ask yourself, "where are the police in all of this?" But we musn't forget, this is taking place in Montreal. Testosterone was banned as an illegal substance in the area even when they were just French, and not Canadian. I mean give the city a break, they're French and they're Canadian. They're the Helen Kellers of North America. We should be proud of the residents for even knowing how to break things and loot stores. After all that's what manly cities like Detroit do, and look how great that city's doing right now. Either way, I'm just looking forward to writing this same exact post when they lose in the Stanley Cup Finals.