'Hawks Sweep Sharks- Purchase Puppies to Play First Three Games of Finals

There hasn't been a new post in a while, I apologize, children's services are really really annoying (and fairly stupid, guess who still has custody!!!).

Though the series was fairly evenly played, the Blackhawks closed out the San Jose Sharks in four games today to advance to the Stanley Cup Finals. They now await the victor of the Eastern Conference Finals, which so far has been a hard fought contest between The Hobbits of the Shire, and what I'm assuming are the cast of thugs from Death Wish 3. Both teams are awful. The Canadiens have been shutout three times, and the Flyers look like the Sharks did against Chicago, or how the Canadiens looked against the Penguins. The Finals are going to suck more than I do when I'm broke and I'm really jonesing from some [insert drug here, I don't feel like finishing this joke]. I'm assuming that the Flyers will win, and so I'm going to imagine what that series would look like between the Flyers and 'Hawks...it'll probably look something like the Turkish genocide of hundreds of thousands of Armenians.

The Blackhawks are balanced perfectly for any opponent. They're huge, have good goaltending, defensemen that can score goals and keep the puck out of the net, and can play a puck possession game and a free wheeling game where they push the tempo and create off the rush. Their top six forwards include three snipers, a play maker, a power forward, and a Patrick Kane (I dare you to try classifying his game, it's impossible). And their bottom six are all huge, fast, quality checkers that can score when they need to. I mean Dave Bolland was 2-1-3 in the last 2 games of the series against the Sharks. Now if the 'Hawks dominated the Sharks, who have a good defensive corps, some of the best forwards in the league, and a fairly solid goaltender who posted a .922% save percentage and a 2.43 GAA, what do you think they'll do to Braydon Coburn, Aaron Asham, and Michael Leighton? The Flyers don't have the goal tending, the size, or the speed to compete with Blackhawks. If the 'Hawks can get 40 shots on Nabokov in a game, how many will they get on the Flyers.

Aware of their assured dominance over the East, the Blackhawks have actually purchased a litter of puppies to play the first three games of the series. The team's management thinks its important to rest their players for more challenging things than their upcoming series, like next season's opener, or getting up from a chair. A particularly tough German Shepherd is supposedly going to be matched up on Jeff Carter, who's ankle will most likely break again as a result. Upon hearing about their match up against the dogs, Danny Briere proceeded to make himself a healthy scratch for game one of the series, if they're to play in the finals. Simon Gagne said that he will play the whole series, but looks forward to getting jacked up by Dustin Byfuglien.

Prediction: Blackhawks in four, Flyers get absolutely embarrassed.