Battle of the Wingers: Frolov vs. Ponikarovsky

As all of you who have been on the website in the last three days know, the Rangers signed forward Alexander Frolov yesterday to a three million dollar contract with a term of one year. The Kings immediately followed that up by signing former Maple Leaf Alexei Ponikarovsky, who played for the Penguins last season after being traded there from the Leafs at the trade deadline. Since both teams signed these players that will play the same positions on their respective teams, (Ponikarovsky replacing Frolov’s spot on the Kings), and since both teams signed these players to the same exact contract, it begs the question, which team came out better?

Firstly, let’s discuss Frolov. Although he had what was considered an off -year by many, he still managed to score 51 points last season, which is better than Ponikarovsky’s 50 point season, which was the second best of Ponikarovsky’s career. Frolov has a great scoring touch. In fact, in every year since his rookie season with the Kings in 2002/2003 he has been top 5 on the team in scoring, and 3 times has led the team in goals. He has had two 30 goal seasons, including his best year in 2006/2007 when he had 35 goals and 71 points. The downside to Frolov is that in the past three his point total has consistently dropped, going from 71 in 2006/2007 to 51 this past season.

Alexei Ponikarovsky, on the other hand, hasn’t nearly scored as many points as Frolov has, but has had his best two seasons the last two seasons. He has played for Toronto every year of his career except part of last year when he was traded to the Penguins for 16 games. His numbers have been all over the place, but he is consistently a low 20s high teens goal scorer, with his career high being 23. Besides his career year in 2008-2009 when he scored 61 points, second on the Leafs, the highest he’s been on the team’s scoring list is 5th.

To me, I think it’s clear that Frolov is a better player than Ponikarovsky. He has scored more points than him every year except 2008/2009 when Ponikarovsky had the best year of his career. He is a more potent goal scorer than Ponikarovsky is, and is infinitely more exciting to watch. Nevertheless, many would argue that Ponikarovsky is playing the best hockey of his career, while Frolov has recently declined, and thus The Pony Express is a safer investment. Regardless, even with the poor season he had last year, as I pointed out earlier, Frolov still had a better season than Ponikarovsky’s career average. Another thing to take into consideration when looking at which team came out with the upper hand, are the roles each of these players were to fill. The Kings first goal this off-season was to sign Ilya Kovalchuk. Obviously, they failed at doing that. Frolov was their second choice, and they failed to sign him too. Therefore they had to settle for Panikarovsky, who is less of a player than either of those two. Though Frolov isn’t a superstar, he was exactly what the Rangers were looking for: a legitimate winger to aid superstar Marion Gaborik on the first line. His style of play is crease-oriented, and he protects the puck very effectively with his 6-2 204 pound frame- both of which are things that the Blueshirts desperately lacked last season. Yes, he takes a potential roster spot away from a prospect looking to crack the big club, however, he also adds a willingness to get to the dirty areas and use the body to score goals, and there’s something to be said for that. Thus, it would seem that the Rangers got the better deal between these two players, but as all Ranger fans know, when Sather is involved, literally anything can happen (cough, Scott Gomez, Chris Drury, Wade Redden, Michal Rozsival, Ales Kotalik, etc.)

Frolov Now Signed- What Does It Mean For The Youth Movement?

The Rangers agreed to a one-year three million dollar deal with Russian forward Alexander Frolov today. Frolov is a two time thirty goal scorer, however he saw his number slip this last season in Los Angeles, thus allowing the Rangers to sign him for a very affordable price. He will undoubtedly be put on the club's top line with star right winger Marian Gaborik, who had 42 goals last season. Frolov adds another dimension to the team's anemic offense, and will either allow Gaborik to score by drawing attention away from him, or will score himself due to the defensive pressure applied to Gaborik. Though the signing is a very intelligent one, from both a personnel stand point, and a fiscal perspective, his presence raises a multitude of questions.

Firstly, how does his acquisition affect the chances of prospects like Evgeny Grachev and Dane Byers to come up to the big club? The Rangers currently have four left wingers in Brandon Prust, Derek Boogaard, Sean Avery, and Alexander Frolov. Additionally, they also have three players in Vinny Prospal, Brandon Dubinsky, and Erik Christensen who can play either center or left wing. They also have centers in Chris Drury, Brian Boyle, and Artem Anisimov, and right wingers in Marian Gaborik, and Ryan Callahan. Now Boogaard won't be playing every game, so that could leave space for a player like Dane Byers or Brodie Dupont to come up and have a good number of games on the big club roster. That leaves twelve roster spots and twelve forwards to fill them (thirteen if you have a prospect take Boogaard's scratch games).

Still, there are roughly 614 prospects who are NHL ready in the system and want to take a crack at the roster this summer in camp. Derek Stepan, Evgeny Grachev, Mats Zuccarello Aasen, Dale Weise, Dane Byers, and Brodie Dupont, all want a crack at the roster this year. To make matters worse, coming through the pipeline are players like Christian Thomas, Ethan Werek, Chris Kreider, and Ryan Buorque, all of whom should be good players in the league. That means there's almost an entire roster worth of prospects who are NHL bound, and approximately -7 roster spots for them. Now if the Rangers are to truly develop into a competitor, then they must make room for their younger players to get time on NHL ice. I personally would move Brian Boyle down to the minors to make room for Stepan, and maybe move Drury to make room for Weise, and to free up cap space. Although I would trade Drury, not demote him- he's been a hard working captain and an all around good guy who doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. Still, his production is not worth his cap hit, and he should be moved to make way for the youngsters. Though that leaves the Rangers very young at the pivot, they still have a veteran in Vinny Prospal. I would then bring up a thirteenth forward to take over Boogaard's scratch games. Grachev is the best prospect at left wing, but he's young and another year in the AHL wouldn't hurt. A guy like Byers or Dupont, on the other hand, are aging and need to get out of the minors before it's too late. Besides, their style of play (especially Byers') is a lot more conducive to fourth line time than Grachev's. Putting Gravhev on a fourth line would not help him develop, he's going to be top six guy, and he needs to be in a role where he can try and score.

Thus, here are what the lines will probably look like for next season.

Frolov- Prospal/Christensen- Gaborik

Christensen/Prospal-Dubinsky-Callahan

Sean Avery- Artem Anisimov-Brandon Prust

Derek Boogaard/Dane Byers- Chris Drury- Brian Boyle


To be completely honest, I hate these lines. I like the addition of Frolov, however these lines are not winners, the bottom six are just a hodgepodge of assorted players who happened to be on the team's roster.

Here's what I would have the lines be:

Frolov- Christensen- Gaborik

Dubinsky - Prospal- Ryan Callahan

Dane Byers- Artem Anisimov- Brandon Prust

Evgeny Grachev- Derek Stepan- Sean Avery

I would be sure to give the third line and fourth line equal time. Yes I know that I have to think about Boogaard, but I doubt he'll really be playing that many games this season, considering Tortorella doesn't even know what an enforcer is. Stepan and Grachev need to be on the same line together- they click so well, and they will most likely be on the team's top line together someday. Byers will replace Shelley on the killer line from last year that featured Anisimov and Prust. Both lines feature young talent in need of development, and thus both of them must see equal amounts of ice time. Still, these are lines that can provide offense, they aren't just pluggers, and therefore Torts should want these guys out on the ice, even if just for the sake of development.

In this scenario Drury gets traded to a team with a lot of cap space, either the Isles, the Thrash, the Oilers, or one of the other many teams with adequate cap space. Boyle, on the other hand, will be demoted. It's a shame because he has size and I think he could be good if he figured out how to utilize it, however, the youth movement can't be stalled on behalf of one minimum wage plugger. Will the Rangers be competing for the Cup this season? No. Are they on the right track? Absolutely. And the additions of Frolov and some of the youngsters will make this a very worthwhile season, no matter what.

In A World Where The NBA And NFL Both Have A Lockout...

There is not a single American hockey fan who feels as though their sport receives a fair amount of respect and attention. In fact, there is not a single American hockey fan- just a handful of ice enthusiasts who enjoy watching men hold wood. Yet that could all change in the not too distant future. According to...well just about everybody, the NFL is headed to a lockout next season, and the NBA may end up following suit. Though that would be a terrible year for American sports fans (including hockey fans, football is great), it could prove to be a great year for the NHL. With no other leagues to compete with in the winter, the NHL would be the only sport that fans could see games of. Something like this would be huge for the league, and huge for the game itself. Imagine a day in the future where fans list the biggest playoff chokers in sports, and actually name Joe Thornton. That's huge.

The prospect is made especially exciting due to the fact that rumors are being spread that ESPN and ABC are interested in putting the NHL back on their networks the year after this lockout would allegedly take place. This could turn into a perfect storm for the NHL, and for the game of hockey itself. There could foreseeably be a year where the only things on Sportscenter are hockey, and lockout news. The NHL would presumably achieve some of its highest ratings ever- and that's especially useful going into contract negotiations. NHL ratings have been climbing since the first Pens-Wings Cup, and not just in the playoffs. The final month of the regular season saw a 25% jump in ratings for NHL games, and NBC was up 10% from the year before. These statistics, coupled with the NFL/NBA lockout year, would undoubtedly result in a lucrative TV contract for the league, whether it be on ESPN or VS (although let's be honest here, they'll take ESPN if they have the option).

Frolov Reportedly Headed To NYR

Rumors have been whirling all day that Alexander Frolov of the Los Angeles Kings is close to signing a contract with the New York Rangers. Now, it seems almost official, according to his agent. Frolov, a two time thirty goal scorer, is reportedly close to signing a one year deal with the Blueshirts. There has been a lot of speculation about Frolov's true market worth after his performance this last season in LA, however, he is nonetheless a solid offensive player who could be a wise investment- as long as a team doesn't spend too much.

Yet even Frolov's agent acknowledges that his market value has diminished drastically, and thus one can only assume that whatever agreement comes to fruition between the two parties would be for a reasonable sum. The move could turn to be quite an intelligent one if Frolov rediscovers his sniping touch in New York. Gaborik, the Rangers' star forward, is in desperate need of another scorer to take some pressure off of him in the offensive zone. Despite this added pressure of relieving defensive attention from Gaborik, this situation should turn out to be quite beneficial for Frolov. Now that he is no longer the go to guy, he may find his touch more easily.

Either way, if he is signed for a manageable cap hit, and can rediscover his scoring touch, then he will be a wise acquisition for the Blueshirts. Besides, even if he does not mesh with the team, he will only be signed for one year, which means that potential risk is the lowest it can be in this scenario, and the potential benefits from the signing would be considered enormous returns on a relatively small investment. Still, knowing Sather, I wouldn't be shocked to see a cap hit that's a little bit more than anyone (including Frolov) was anticipating.

NHLPA Files Grievance- Tapes Shiv To The Back Of Its Thigh

It's official, the NHLPA has filed a grievance on behalf of Ilya Kovalchuk in order to protest the rejection of his seventeen year, 102 million dollar deal. Though they said in a statement that they hope the matter can be resolved quickly, everyone around the league knows that the Players' Association has dropped its gloves for a fight. Unfortunately for the NHL, they will most likely lose this fight, despite being in the right (for once) in this situation. Nevertheless, I'm sure that this little contract loophole will be closed up during the next CBA, yet don't be surprised if that takes about three seasons to work out.

It really is a shame though. The NHL finally put its foot down over something that everyone in the league knew was circumventing the cap, and the NHLPA goes and picks a fight about it. Yes, it was to be expected, the NHLPA are world renowned dicks. Still, it's a shame to see the NHL go down in the one battle that they're actually fighting for the right thing in.

Salo Injured-Was The Weekend So Slow That This Is News?

Hey guys sorry for no posts this weekend, but it was a busy couple of days and nothing really happened, other than Sami Salo getting injured...again. Saying Salo is injury prone is like saying that I hit my children too much and have intimacy issues- so obvious that it goes beyond saying. Anyway, what makes it funnier is that he apparently injured himself playing floor hockey. What's even worse is that it was an Achilles' Tendon tear, which is an incredibly painful injury that takes a long time to recover from (and often involves surgery).

Still, this may prove to be good news for Kevin Bieksa. Everyone assumed that once Keith Ballard came into town, that it spelt the end of Bieksa, for the Canucks wanted to clear up cap space and a cluttered blue line. However, now that Salo is going to be sidelined for a solid amount of time, retaining Bieksa's services may now be a necessity, if not a temporary one. Nevertheless, if a team sends over an offer tantalizing enough, I have no doubt that the Canucks will most certainly ship him out of there.

P.S.

Heathen Hockey is now looking for one or two more writers to add to its stuff, so if you're interested in writing for Heathen Hockey, contact us at HeathenHockey@gmail.com. You'll need to demonstrate a strong grasp over the game, as well as a wealth of knowledge about the league. Send an email if you're interested.

Five Things We’d Change About Hockey If We Lived In Ancient Sparta

If for some reason we were teleported back to ancient Sparta, or if for some reason or society is taken over by a bunch of shirtless men in capes, here's what we'd change about our favorite game:


1. Increase the Frequency of Dramatic Kicking

As all Spartans know, you aren’t a true Greek warrior unless you kick people dramatically after turning a phrase against them. Now we know that a lot of players don’t speak English, so we’re not asking for “This is Sparta” caliber one-liners. The only thing that we care about is the leg spearing.

2. Allow Players To Use Their Skates As Weapons

Skates are dangerous cutting machines, just ask Michael Del Zotto and Teemu Selanne.
Though there is a good amount of violence in hockey, from the fighting, to the incidental high sticking of players (now referred to as pulling a Higgins or getting Belangered), to the players who get hit in the face with the puck, there needs to be more intentional bloodshed. Playing the team whose player concussed your star sniper? Don’t settle for a fight- cut his abdomen. That’s how the Greeks did it.

3. Replace All Goal Songs With A Chorus of Manly Grunts

The Rangers’ Goal Song isn’t masculine enough for a Spartan Warrior- and don’t even think for a second that “Chelsea Dagger” is either. The only thing truly fitting for a warrior with the strength of ten Persian men is just to have grown men grunting and growling into the PA system for ten minutes.

4. Take Junior Players From Their Mothers and Replace the AHL With A Giant Wolf

Nothing prepared the Spartan Warriors for battle more than being separated from their mothers for the majority of their childhood, and nothing was as beneficial to Leonidas as having to kill that giant wolf. Therefore, this idea makes sense…to a Spartan.

5. Each Team Must Be Captained By Gerard Butler

Additionally, all alternate captains must have CGI enhanced muscles, and be forgettable supporting actors that allow Gerard Butler to be the focus of every scene.

Ten Things That Are More Fun To Play Hockey With Than Pucks

The hockey puck- it's like a blackened disc of incredulous spectacularity. It is the solid manifestation of the elixir that runs through the sport's arteries, and it breaks people's teeth. Now I obviously don't need to explain the importance of the puck to the greatest game played north of the American border- it's a hallowed object, treated with the utmost respect...unless you're Chris Pronger. Still, there are a few things that are more fun to play hockey with than pucks, and here's ten of them.

1. Small Children

There is nothing that fixes a bad day more than bashing five year olds into walls. Period. I've done this many a time, and it is quite the good time. In fact, I enjoy playing hockey with kids so much that I check them into walls even if I'm not at the rink. I'm not legally allowed to drop my kids off at school anymore because of it. Now I know that this column should be about replacing pucks with various items, and not about what's fun to play the actual game with. Therefore, I'm still going to say kids. I guarantee you that nothing would feel more satisfying than ripping your best friend's son past your best friend to score a goal.

2. Grenade

Imagine hot potato, but with hockey sticks and the fear of dying.

3. Ex-Wife's iPhone

I mean in all fairness, you did indirectly buy it for her through alimony checks.

4. A DVD of "Valentine's Day"

I'm not sure if this would actually be fun, but I do know this: the best purpose that that DVD serves is as anything other than a DVD. It makes a great coaster, a great thing to throw at people, a great hand bag- it would probably be a better home than a DVD.

5. William Faulkner's "The Sound and the Fury"

This may not be fun if you're on the slower side, or if you're anything like Andy Sutton. However, it will be cool if you're on the more clever side and want to read some quality literature while braced against the boards. This may be hard for a lot of foreign born players, however I think it could be easier for some of the North American players- especially if you have a name like Brendan Witt- in which case your dazzling cleverness should carry you through.

6. A Book Of Helpful Tips- The First of Which Is Don't Make a Post Ten Things When You Can't Even Think of Five

Seriously, I had trouble even thinking of the first two.

7. A Bag Of Napalm

Your friends will find it hilarious when you shoot at them?

8. A First Aid Kit

I guess this is only applicable if you do number seven.

9. A Stack Of Heathen Hockey Fliers

Doing promotion for us means that I don't have to go home and deal with my self esteem issues- more readers means less judgement from the whole of my family.

10. A Puck

This goes down as the stupidest list ever. The puck is the best thing to play hockey with. That's why we play hockey with it...

Perron Re-Signed, Blues Set To Now Win Cup

The St. Louis Blues have been managing their team incredibly well this offseason. First, they fixed their goaltending situation by acquiring Jaroslav "Ken Dryden" Halak. They then proceeded to fix their scoring depth by delving into a shallow free agent market while the getting was still good...oh wait. In actuality, the Blues have done anything but that. Though they need scoring, and they need more defensemen (arguably more than scorers), they nonetheless have not acquired anyone to help their top six.

Which is pretty damn smart.

Though their passive demeanor this offseason has yielded an ennui of the utmost degree, they are using their heads as they rebuild. They're keeping their youth- for the most part- and are biding their time until their core is ready to carry them. David Perron, who scored twenty goals for the first time last season, was re-signed yesterday to a 2-year deal, the specifics of which were not disclosed to the public. If he continues to develop along the same trajectory that he is now, he will undoubtedly be an excellent player in the league. Thus, I applaud the Blues for being patient. As one can deduce merely from glimpsing around the league- homegrown youth movements win cups. Was I being facetious when I said the Blues are set to win the Cup? Absolutely. Am I being facetious when I say that they could win it in the next ten years if they continue to rebuild smartly? Well that depends on whether they actually do that, because I don't want to look like an idiot.

Kovy Update- Absolutely Nothing Different Than What Was Reported

As it turns out there isn't really that much to report on in this new chapter of The Kovy Chronicles: The Lion, The Witch, And The Indecisive. In fact, the situation is fairly simple. The NHL believes that Kovy's seventeen year deal circumvents the salary cap because they don't think he will be playing until he's 44. As a result, they rejected the contract. Now what can happen next is the Devils can either re-file the contract, or the NHLPA can file a grievance, which would deem the deal dead in the water until an arbitrator oversaw the proceedings.

Though I'm not sure how this works in terms of his being able to sign with other teams, but it will be interesting to see if the Devils next offer is sub par to the Kings 80 million dollar one. My guess is he'll still stay with the Devils, it's just the numbers may need to be reworked. Then again, if they don't have the cap space to pay him the way he wants to be paid, it could mean the Kings, the KHL, or even the Islanders or Maple Leafs. Either way, it's nice to see the NHL putting its foot down on ridiculous contracts like these.

Emergency Post- NHL Owns Lou and Kovy

For those of you that haven't already heard, Kovy's contract has been rejected by the NHL on the grounds that it circumvents the salary cap. His deal was for seventeen years, and paid him less than a million for a multiple years on the back end of the contract. This is an emergency update, stay tuned for more info in the coming 24 hours.

The Greatest Shootout Goal Since Sliced Bread

For those of you who haven't seen it, Jarod Palmer scored just about the dirtiest shootout goal I've seen in a very long time. The clip below is from July 18, 2010



Sick. Apparently the move was totally intentional, which makes it even sicker. This is just another move in the group of "Let's Straight Up Fuck With The Goalie" dekes. It gives me hope that the day someday will come where a player just hurls his stick at the goalie and proceeds to pick up the puck and toss it in the net. But until then, I guess we'll just have to live with this.

Log Jam- Sounds Tasty, Doesn't Mean It Doesn't Screw Up Rosters

Though I'm sure that many of you aren't even reading this because you're too busy visualizing the delicious treat that would be log jam on toast (I imagine it would be something like Nickelodeon slime, but brown and with sawdust mixed in it). Either way there are quite a few teams with too many quality players at certain positions, and even more teams with the exact opposite problem. So first we'll break down the teams with the surplus of positional players, and then we'll outline possible destinations for these excess players.

The New York Rangers

The New York Rangers have quite a few positional clogs, the first of which is the entire roster. The Rangers have a plethora of young talent, from Derek Stepan, to Chris Kreider, to Ryan Buorque, to Dylan McIlrath, to Ryan McDonagh, to Mike Sauer, to Corey Potter, to Evgeny Grachev, to Christian Thomas. There are too many young players and not enough roster spots to have them all. Nevertheless, the worst clog up of any position is at defenseman. The Rangers currently have eight NHL ready defenseman: Marc Staal, Dan Girardi, Steve Eminger, Michal Rozsival, Ryan McDonagh, Matt Gilroy, Michael Del Zotto, and Wade Redden. Add in prospects Mike Sauer and Corey Potter, and you've got ten players vying for six positions. Additionally, they have too many young forwards that they need to bring up (Stepan, Kreider, Thomas, Grachev, Buorque, Aasen) and a lot of truly awful players that are taking up their spots. The forward log jam can't be fixed by trade, rather they just need to bury Enver Lisin and Brian Boyle, and wait for Prospal and Drury to retire.

Still, the Ranger's biggest problem for this season is at defense. No, having a lot of defenseman is not a problem necessarily, but it's stupid to have untapped wealth wasting away within an organization while bad players with large contracts watch pucks go in the net. The first problem is with age. From a talent perspective the corps should consist of Girardi, Staal, McDonagh, MDZ, Eminger, and Sauer. Yet that won't happen. The Rangers need a veteran presence on the ice, and unfortunately for them the closest things they have to veterans are Eminger, Rozsie, and Redden. Eminger will crack the roster- that's why they traded for him- but Redden and Rozsie are different stories. Rozsival will most likely be on the team just due to the fact that the coaching staff and management like him (I don't know why). Redden on the other hand, most likely won't. His cap hit is huge, and the Rangers now have a plethora of players who are ready to take his spot. My guess is that he'll be waived (because no one will trade for him), and then Gilroy will be traded. Many may disagree with that, as Gilroy was the winner of the Hobey Baker- the award for the best player in college hockey- but here's how I see it. Gilroy is a 26-year old sophomore player, who struggled in his first season as a pro. Am I ready to give up on him entirely as a pro? Absolutely not. But am I ready to give up on him as a Ranger? Yes. There just isn't enough evidence to think that the upside of keeping him here outweighs giving their other players a crack at the roster. Thus, I think the corps will look something like Staal, Girardi, Eminger, Rozsie, MDZ, and McDonagh, with Sauer possibly being a seventh defenseman, a scratch, or first in line for call ups. Then once Rozsie's gone, Sauer will come up.


Boston Bruins

The Boston Bruins are incredibly backed up at center. Between Seguin, Krejci, Bergeron, and Savard, the Bruins have more centers than you can shake a stick at (the stick shaking number for centers is three, by the way) Now according to the Bruins, their solution is to just move Seguin to the wing, and leave it at that. That's not going to work. They will still have three premier centers competing for top six forward spots. Thus, I'd expect Savard to get shipped out of there in a hurry. There have been rumors swirling for a while, and he makes the most sense to move. He's injury prone, older, and is the most established of the three. A team in need of first line center like Edmonton or Toronto would certainly trade for a player like him.

Pittsburgh Penguins

The Pens are just another team with too many centers. Their solution is also to move a center to winger, with Staal having been mentioned quite a few times for a position change. Either way their issue is really a non issue. They now boast arguably the best defensive corps in the East, and have never had a problem scoring goals despite being so deep down the middle, and so shallow along the boards.

Buffalo Sabres

It's not so much of an issue with having too many men at one position, it's more that they need to get certain players a change of scenery, if you catch my drift. Tim Connolly and Drew Stafford, two players closely connected with the franchise by many around the NHL, both need to be traded immediately. Some think Derek Roy also needs to be moved due to his yearly disappearing act in the playoffs, but I disagree. He's a good producer during the regular season, and I'd like him as a first line center on my team, even if he does suffer from Joe Thornton-itis. Nevertheless, they need to acquire a good second line right winger, and Stafford seriously needs to get out of Buffalo. He doesn't produce, and Buffalo needs a fresh regime to carry them to a Cup with Miller in net. The same goes for Connolly, as Tyler Ennis (who scored almost a point per game as a rookie last season in the regular season, and then scored 4 points in six games in the playoffs) is more than ready to take the reigns of the second line. With Niedermayer anchoring their bottom six, Buffalo has to secure a top six that can put the puck in the net, and that means getting rid of the scrubs.

Montreal Canadiens

They're really deep down the middle, and very shallow along the boards. Luckily for them, center is the best place be backed up at, no matter what you intend to do with the assets. If you intend to trade, a good center is always needed by a team somewhere in the league, and if you intend to keep them, centers can usually move to left wing with ease. My guess is that the latter will be case with the Habs. With Lars Eller and Dustin Boyd now in the fold, things get very complicated for them. Nevertheless, I think that the solution is simple; move them to the wing. Gomez and Gionta will most likely need a left winger to complement them, and I'm not entirely sure if Benoit Pouliot is the guy to do that. Thus, I see Eller getting time on the left wing with the two former Devils. Boyd on the other hand, will most likely take the third line center spot. Unless he brings something special to camp, he just doesn't have the kind of production in his history that would warrant top six time.

Toronto Maple Leafs

The Leafs have quite a few defenseman under contract, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but considering their needs at other positions, it would be wise to move some extra assets to try and fill the holes. One name that comes to mind is Tomas Kaberle. He's an elite offensive defenseman, and would fetch a very handsome price I'm sure. The Leafs most dire need is a first line center- so don't be surprised if they go to the Bruins (who have a hole to fill at the blue line) to try and acquire a center.

Now to the teams with the needs.

Columbus Blue Jackets

Despite the fan base clamoring for a first line center to play with Rick Nash, the thing they really need is a blue liner. The Blue Jackets' defensive corps this year was worse than "Atrocity 2: On Ice- The 3D Movie Event". Kris Russell was a diamond in the rough- going +3 with 22 points under his belt in his third season in the NHL. Not bad for a 23 year old on the Columbus Blue Jackets. Still, the fact that people in Columbus desperately want Anton Stralman back on the roster is just a testament to the horrid nature of this blue line. Now their GM isn't one to make blockbuster deals, so don't expect Kaberle to be heading there anytime soon (not that the BJ's have anything that the Leafs want). But I would expect them to make a move for a solid blue liner. Now before we explore the options can we just take a moment to laugh at the fact that the team is the Columbus BJ's? Anyway, a quick way to shore up the blue line is to sign a guy like Willie Mitchell. It's a risk due to his concussion problems this season, but the upside would be tremendous. Nevertheless, there are cheaper alternatives, though they won't bring the same crease clearing physicality. They could trade for Kevin Bieksa, whose rumored price is merely a prospect and a pick. Alternatively, they could also sign a guy like Paul Mara or Marc-Andre Bergeron. Mara is a solid depth guy who played pretty decently for the Habs last season. He can move the puck well enough, and would be a good addition to this utterly awful corps. Bergeron on the other hand is an offensive weapon that is killer on the powerplay. He has his issues- he's small, and is not the greatest defenseman- however, he'd make a great number six guy who could take the point on any team's first powerplay unit. Even a trade for one of the Rangers' many prospects (like Mike Sauer or Pavel Valentenko) would make sense.

Atlanta Thrashers

Need a depth blue liner that is defensively responsible. I'd say probably a third pairing guy because the top four are pretty much locked in stone. Paul Mara would be a good fit for them, however Shaone Morrisson was always solid in Washington, and would be a cheap pick up.

Toronto Maple Leafs

Are in desperate need of a first line center. I'd look for a trade with Boston for Savard or Krejci.

Florida Panthers

Need top six forwards. They need a guy who can put the puck in the net to relieve pressure from Voukoun. A pure sniper like Frolov, if he can get the pieces together, would immensely help the team's anemic offense. Their first round pick will shore up their blue line immensely, as will the addition of Dennis Wideman, though his production has waned in the past couple of years. The Panthers have some good young pieces in place; a pure sniper will bring the whole thing together.

Sorry guys, I got a little lazy at the end of this post, but you guys get the basic gist of the situations. Leave a comment if you want more depth and I'll do another post.

The Day's Analysis

When it came to the volume of significant moves, I felt like a kid in a candy store today...if said candy store sold fire arms and bottles of liquid awesomeness. Though the only emotion that Kovie's signing elicited was relief, I must admit that I was a bit surprised with his decision. Los Angeles will not only be the better team this season, but for seasons to come, and I thought that he would almost certainly sign there. Nevertheless, he decided to stay in Newark... for the next seventeen years. His deal is worth approximately 100 million dollars, perhaps a little more. Now this deal has some serious implications for the Devils future. Parise, the team's other top young left winger, is coming to the end of his contract. Will he re-sign with the team if he has to compete with Kovie for ice time? Or will he flee from Newark for greener pastures (and money). The first line for the Devils will most likely look something like this:

Ilya Kovalchuk-Travis Zajac-Jamie Langenbrunner/Zach Parise/Patrick Elias

Langenbrunner is the only natural right winger of the bunch, however Parise is too good to waste on a second line. Nevertheless, he may be relegated to the second line to spread the offense more effectively through the top six. Elias could also take a top winger line now that Arnott is there to take the second line centerman spot. Kovie and Zajac should both definitely be top line players, with Kovie being their new signing, and Zajac being their highest scoring center last season. My guess is that Parise will take the top line winger spot with Zajac and Kovie, making quite the potent offensive unit. That makes the second line Langenbrunne, Elias, and Arnott. It's quite the nostalgic group of players taking the second shift in that case, and they may have some good chemistry due to their pasts with each other. Still, the age of that line may become problematic, especially in terms of endurance and energy. Plus, unless Parise gets first line time, I doubt he'll resign with the team. He's an offensive stud, and would make the first line on any other team in the NHL. A real kick in the pants would be to join the Penguins and play sniper to Crosby's feeder. But maybe we should just stick to this season for now.


Gagne Gets Traded To Tampa- Stevie Y is a Genius

The Lightning absolutely won out in this trade. Tampa gave up a fourth rounder and a tough guy to get a seasoned veteran who can score goals and provide depth on the second line, or prominent time on the first. With him in town, the Bolts could even have some sort of exclusively French line with Gagne, St. Louis, and Lecavalier. That may not make sense though. Lecavalier is a second line center on this team, as Steven Stamkos has developed into a Maurice Richard Trophy winning machine. St. Louis is need on the first line to play with Stamkos and pull some pressure off of him, and my guess is then either Gagne or Malone (probably Gagne) will take the first line spot. That makes a second line of Vinny, Malone, and Downie, which would be a very physical line capable of scoring a fair amount of goals. Either way, this was a steal, and Gagne's presence on this roster adds an immense amount of versatility and depth to their roster.

On the flip side, Philly loses out big time. In return for a quality top six forward, they get a guy who can fight (which they already have in Dan Carcillo) and a fourth round pick. Now, instead of having a stacked top six in Gagne, Briere, Leino (he had 21 points in 18 games in this year's playoffs), Richards, Carter, and Hartnell, they have the same top six with Nikolai Zherdev in place of Gagne. The move makes no sense. Why would you sign Zherdev and put yourself over the cap, thus forcing yourself to dump salary, when you already have a forward who's twice as good in Gagne. The Zherdev signing made no sense, and now they're paying the consequences for it.

Gagne Traded To Tampa Bay- Flood Gates Unleashed

In the wake of Kovie's signing, Philadelphia Winger Simon Gagne has been traded to the Tampa Bay Lightning for Matt Walker and a fourth round pick. The move was clearly a salary dump by the Flyers, and the trade is just another in a series of excellent actions by rookie Tampa GM Steve Yzerman. Gagne adds depth, scoring, and experience to this roster that is beginning to look like it could vie for a playoff berth.

Kovie Finally Signs...In Newark

Quick update for all you sensible people that like to use logic out there. Rather than signing a contract with the young, surefire contenders out in LA, Kovie has decided to sign a 17-year deal with the Devils for about 100 million dollars. No that is not a joke. The contract is seventeen years. The story is still developing, so be sure to check back in for more info on Kovie's deal with the New Jersey Devils, aka the team that does not understand the concept of aging.

There's Nothing To Write About- The List Edition

What started off as a slow offseason has now stalled and sputtered into an all out freeze. I haven't seen anything move this slow since my mom took the wheels off of my brother's chair for giving her back talk. In fact, the slow pace of this summer has led me to a myriad of new hobbies, including stamp collecting, bird-watching, and tasteless joke telling. So in honor of there being absolutely no news in the NHL, here's my list of things to do while you wait for your team to fuck up in free agency.

1. Eat Waffles

Let's be straight here, waffles are delicious, and versatile. Not only can you eat them with delicious syrup and other sorts of toppings, you can also use them as weapons to express your fury at the mind numbingly uneventful NHL off season.

2. Avoid Sharp Objects

3. Wear Ironic T-Shirts

Brighten up your day by making everyone around you dislike you.

4. Buy Heelies

(See number 3)

5. Play Baseball Mailbox

It's similar to mailbox baseball, only instead of hitting mailboxes with baseball bats, you hit baseball players with mailboxes.

6. Send This Website Witty Jokes

Seriously, we've been at the end of our ropes since the fifth post on this blog.

7. Engage In Witty Banter/Wordplay With A Female

Trust me, there's nothing a woman finds sexier than not getting your jokes.

8. Hit Your Goaltender In The Back Of The Head



Always a good time.

9. Waive Wade Redden

10. Challenge Yourself

It's always good to push yourself beyond your limits. So go out into the world and try something that will try you. Seduce a nun, light a river on fire, ride a polar bear through the streets of a city, try and fix the Eastern Conference- the world is your oyster of impossible tasks.

How To Fix: The Atlanta Thrashers

Hey guys, I know I said that this would be an ongoing series in which I would take in-depth looks at all the teams in the League and how they can improve. I also know that I said this two months ago and that this is maybe the third posting in the series. Well either way, today we're going to look at how to fix the Atlanta Thrashers, a job that is already in progress thanks to the good folks managing the Chicago Blackhawks (each link leads to a different articles proving this). Well either way, here's how to fix the Atlanta Thrashers, starting with what they've done right so far.

1. They gave their youth the opportunity to play.

Youth movements are imperative in reviving a franchise's competitive edge. Though free agency can plug holes in a roster, it's the youth and prospects within an organization's system that end up becoming the nucleus of a club's success. The fact that players like Zach Bogosian, and Evander Kane get playing time is invaluable in accelerating the team's development into a contender. Along with right wingers Bryan Little and Niclas Bergfors, and goalie Ondrej Pavelec, these players form a group that can carry the team in the future as a playoff worthy team.

2. Smart Trades With The BlackHawks.

The acquisitions of right wingers Dustin Byfuglien and Ben Eager, as well as left winger Andrew Ladd and defenseman Brent Sopel, will have an immediate impact on the team's ability to compete. Dustin Byfuglien can play on either the first or second line, which makes him a very valuable asset. He adds an element of physicality that the team desperately lacks, and the 25-year old playoff hero is a force in front of the net. Additionally, both Ladd and Eager are good third line players who can check and toss in the occasional goal or two. Though Ladd could foreseeably be a second line player if need be, my guess is that both he and Eager will be playing on the third line together, having already played with each other in Chicago. Brent Sopel is no more than a third pairing defenseman, nevertheless, he adds a veteran presence that the team desperately needs in the locker room. Sopel is solid enough, and he's a better depth defenseman than the team would have had otherwise. All in all, the Thrash come out big from these trades.

3. Signing Chris Mason

Even if the problem is only solved for the time being, Chris Mason's arrival in Atlanta erases any questions in the crease that Thrashers fans may have had. Mason is a solid goalie, and has been one of the best (and most underrated) in the league for the last couple of years. Whether his presence is meant to segue Pavelec into a starting role, or whether he's meant to hold down the fort until a new prospect or free agent comes along is irrelevant. He's there now, and he will be a quality backstop for a team that is notoriously atrocious defensively.

Alright so before we delve into what still needs to be fixed, I'm just going to show what the lines will probably look like this season with the roster as it stands currently.

First Line (from left wing to right wing): Evander Kane- Nik Antropov- Dustin Byfuglien

Though I think Bergfors is a better scorer than Byfuglien, it's important to spread the offense through the top two lines. Also, Kane's presence on the first line makes it potentially problematic to have two sophomores playing on a top line. Antropov is a veteran center with good hands. He's coming off of a career year, and he has to be their number one no matter what. Byfuglien adds physicality to a line that already features the tough Evander Kane. Worse comes to worse, if the line doesn't score goals they can always just one punch the opponent into submission. The line should be able to score some goals, and leave depth for the second line as well. Kane may not be ready for first line duties as a sophomore, but considering he scored 14 goals and was a +2 as an 18-year old rookie, I think he can handle it.

Second Line: Bryan Little-Rich Peverley-Niclas Bergfors

Bergfors can score goals, and will most likely develop into a premiere sniper. Though perhaps he belongs on the first line rather than Kane, I like this balance better. Peverely is a quality second line center who should be able to provide some secondary scoring, as well as quality feeding for Bergfors. Little, though a right winger, should be moved to left to avoid relegating the former 31-goal scorer to a checking role. He could foreseeably be moved to a first line left winger role, with Kane being moved to second line left winger. Nevertheless, Little has not done enough historically to warrant first line time, and thus I would keep him on the second line until he shows that he belongs on the top line. This line would be less physical then the first line, but would chip in quality secondary scoring. Keep in mind though, the six forwards listed in the two lines are the teams top six for sure, and Antropov and Peverley are locks for first and second respectively. Still, Little, Buff, Bergfors, and Kane are all moveable between the two lines.

Third Line: Andrew Ladd-Jim Slater-Ben Eager/Chris Thorburn

Ladd and Eager are both quality third line players who can chip in on the score sheet when asked to (that goes more for Ladd than Eager, but is true for both nonetheless). Both players have good +/- ratings, and have experience playing with each other already. Jim Slater is a good third liner as well, having spent his entire career with the Thrash. Assuming that the team re-signs him, he should be an integral part of the line. Yet there are some variables that factor into this line, the brunt of which are the quality of Eager and Throburn's play. Both deserve third line time, and so whichever one proves to be more effective in the unit will stick there. Still, together the line should be able to contribute enough offensively, but more importantly should also be able to check effectively and play quality defense.

Fourth Line: Eric Boulton/Chris Thorburn- Todd White-Clarke MacArthur

Now you might be wondering why I'm relegating Clarke MacArthur to the fourth line, and the answer is simple. He's the fourth best winger that they have available to play right wing. Though he may deserve third line time more than Eager, his +/- has nonetheless been atrocious throughout his entire career, and he's not the kind of scorer that would warrant third line time. Though he has been more productive offensively than Eager (and thus could potentially get third line time), adding him would ruin a good checking line that would be very capable of competing with the competition's top units. Eric Boulton is an enforcer and nothing more, and consequently will see nothing more than fourth line time on the new Atlanta Thrashers. Since Boulton is an enforcer, and the Thrashers now have an abundance of checking players, my guess is that Boulton will not play every game, and that either Eager or Thorburn will play the games that Boulton is scratched for. MacArthur could also possiblt be scratched.

The use of the third and fourth line is dependent on the coach's wishes though. If he wants a scoring third line that is more offensively oriented, then the lines will obviously look different. However, I think this setup has the best balance of attack through the top six, with the best balance of talent in the bottom six. The third line can play effectively both offensively and defensively, and the fourth line would be effective in either an energy role with an enforcer, or in providing a little scoring while checking. Nevertheless, it is now time to turn to the defense.

First Pairing: Johnny Oduya-Tobias Enstrom/Ron Hainsey

Oduya is a steady defenseman, and was a great pick up in the trade for Kovie. He filled in for Martin as the Devils' number one guy, and the opportunity showed Oduya to be a sure fire top pairing defenseman. Additionally, his stability and consistency as a player will prove to be a valuable complement to Enstrom's offensively oriented game. Enstrom is coming off of a very impressive 50 point season, yet the situation is still complicated by Ron Hainsey. Hainsey is also offensively focused, and doesn't have the same +/- as Enstrom, who is historically a positive player. Hainsey is in more of a need of a responsible partner than Enstrom. A steadfast player like Oduya would allow Hainsey to jump into plays and worry less about defense, thus removing a potential liability from the second pairing. Still, putting Enstrom on a second pairing seems more wasteful than pouring cristal and gasoline on rare sixteenth century Dutch tapestry.

Second Pairing: Zach Bogosian-Ron Hainsey/ Tobias Enstrom

Bogosian is a good youngster with a terrible +/-, he needs to be with a vet that can keep his nerves (and his game) steady. Hainsey, though more experienced, would most likely make the worst partner due to his +/-. Another possibility is putting Oduya on the second pairing with Bogosian and putting Enstrom and Hainsey as the first pair.

Third Paring: Brent Sopel-Arturs Kulda

Sopel is a good third pairing defenseman, and Kulda is a good youngster who played four games with big club last season- and ended with 2 points and a plus 4 rating. Kulda is only 21, and has tremendous upside just based on his previous NHL performances.


So here is what's left for them to do:

1. Get two more top six forwards

The true ceiling for the guys on this team are unknown, and it would be stupid to deprive them of roster spots just to sign expensive free agents. But this team's top six is way too young, and cannot consistently be depended on for offense. I would sign one or two guys, maybe Alex Frolov, to add some punch to the offense.

2. Sign a physical crease clearer

The Thrash have puck moving guys like Bogosian and Hainsey, and shutdown guys like Oduya, but they have no true element of physicality at the blue line. A guy like Willie Mitchell, though on the older side, would add physicality, experience, and quality to this team's blue line.

3. Get a franchise goalie

Mason is not the long term answer, and Pavelec is not about to go light up the league as a top tier goal tender. If the Thrashers want to succeed with the defensemen that they have, they'll have to try and find a guy who they can rely on to really step up in the clutch.

Epic Conspiracy To Prevent Free Agency Signings- Day Kabillion And Six

This has most likely been the slowest free agency period that the League has seen since the lockout. After a year in which the East should have been accused of filling out their rosters with cardboard cut outs of people, how is it that they are not actively trying to fix their woes? In all seriousness, the East was awful this year, how is it that there can be so many teams standing pat? Yes, teams like the Thrashers have certainly shaken things up, but they still need more. As I've said before, adding a guy like Frolov or Stempniak helps their cause, and considering the cap space they have and the lack of competition in this year's market, they should be easily able to afford them, even considering their franchise budget. Thus, many are now wondering why it is that this market freeze is occurring. Some are blaming it on the cap crunch that has gripped the league this year, as well as the financial situations of many franchises. Those people, though they sound correct with their logic and expert analysis of the league's economic and financial situation, are idiots. As is true with all things that are confounding, it's a conspiracy.

A Russian conspiracy.

The KHL has not been shy about trying to draw star players from the league, and so far they've been doing a good job of poaching this off season. They've already drawn such greats as Pavol Demitra, and Steve Valiquette. All sarcasm aside, they did manage to pull in Evgeni Nabokov, but shhh. Thus, in an attempt to try and tempt more players to come and play for Russian money, they have enacted a crazy conspiracy. We're talking Rubicon/Lost shit. First, they put a cap crunch on half the teams in the NHL. Second, they destroy the U.S. economy. Third, they travel back in time and convince Kovie to come to the NHL and fuck things up ten 7 years in the future. Fourth, they convince the Flyers to sign Nik Zherdev. And voi la, you have the worst NHL off season ever. Many have tried to seek further inquiry into the subject, even going to such lengths as trying to question Russian President Demitri Mededev. Nevertheless, these attempts were unsuccessful due to, as the Russian State Department put it, "We got drunk and broke it, whatever, we'll get new ventriloquist dummy!"

Things We'd Rather Have On Our Team Than Kovie

Welcome to day 1,094 of the great Kovalchuk hunt, which sounds like it should be a lot more satisfying (and fire-arms intensive) than it really is. The options have been narrowed down to essentially this- LA, Newark, and Russia. All three are very appealing...and by all three I mean Los Angeles. Still, the guy wants years, he wants money, and he wants to win, so who knows if someone could blow in and snatch him up. For example, if the Maple Leafs were to trade for Savard (as was quietly rumored recently), then the Leafs could definitely become a contender to land Kovalchuk. They probably wouldn't get him, but they could certainly contend for him. They could even trade for Spezza, which would most likely be even more appealing due to his age compared to Savard's. But I digress. To be honest, I don't care where he goes, because he's not that good. He'll go to the Kings, where if they get one more solid D-man they will win the west. Either way, here is a list of things I'd rather have on my team that Kovalchuk:

Uniforms- Always helpful to have uniforms on your team before you hit the ice...

Vince Vaughn- Announces he's a 'Hawks fan, and they win the Cup within the subsequent two years?

A Skating Rhinoceros- Would still be better defensively than Kovalchuk.

Alex Ovechkin- As long as we're talking about sniping Russians

Johnny Oduya, Patrice Cormier, Niclas Bergfors, Two First Round Picks, And A Second Rounder- Who do you think won out in that rental?

Paul Martin- It's ok that the Devils didn't sign him though, I mean it's not like he went to an already highly skilled divisional rival or anything...

Any Montreal Native- The only things I like more than winning are burning things after you win and recycling jokes about Montrealers burning stuff.

California Gurls- Sun kissed skin so hot, it'll most likely melt the ice and prevent the other team from scoring

Johnny Storm- Same reason as California Gurls (including the sex appeal)

Keenan Thompson- Seriously, have you seen the Knuckle Puck?



Now who would you rather have playing the point on your powerplay?

To pretty much wrap it up, I'd rather have almost any hockey player that can contribute offensively and be held defensively responsible on my team. If Lee Stempniak were going to play for me the way he did for the Coyotes, then I'd rather take him. I'd even take David Backes. Yes, this is a bit of hyperbole, yet the point is clear. Goals are great, you need them to win games (duh), but that doesn't mean that a guy should get ten mill a year just because he can shoot well. There's more to the game than that. Obviously you have to pay your scorers the big bucks, but there's a big difference between the payroll of a Crosby, Ovechkin, or Gaborik (all three of whom are top five goal and point scorers, as well as very responsible players defensively) and a Kovalchuk. Kovie is a seven million dollar guy at most. If I'm a GM though, I give him no more than 6.5.

Mikko Koivu Signed To Massive Extension- Still Expected To Average 51 Points A Season

Mikko Koivu, the newly minted franchise player for the Minnesota Wild, was signed to a seven year, $47.25 million dollar contract extension yesterday, which adds up to about a seven million dollar cap hit per year, give or take a few hundred thousand. Many around the hockey community have questioned the move, wondering if he is truly worth the money. Still, though the skepticism is valid, the GM of the WIld certainly seems to be confident in his move. When asked about the price Chuck Fletcher, franchise running extraordinaire, basically said that you can't rely on stupid things like total points, or goals, or other statistics when it comes to signing players to long term contracts that give them exorbitant amounts of money. I for one, totally agree with him. I mean, imagine what the world would be like if people were rewarded for concrete results that were created due to their efforts. That's why I like the Chris Drury contract. No, he doesn't y'know, score any goals or provide any offense, but hey, he kills penalties and plays on the Rangers' third line to only the tune of like 6.5 million dollars. Plus, he immensely ups the team's midget-bird factor, which is ridiculously important.

So I guess the question to ask now really is, how good is Mikko Koivu really? Is he a two way franchise player, capable of scoring 70 or 80 points a season? Or is he really just a pretty good player, who can score you sixty (or seventy on a good year) and can be held defensively responsible? Who knows? But what I do know is this, never pay players according potential. Never. Unless they're young, like a Jack Johnson or a Marc Staal, it will always be a mistake. A player needs to earn a contract, just because you think he can be a superstar (even though he hasn't been for his last five seasons and is now twenty seven, past the point of development), you shouldn't pay him like one. That's why players push in contract years, because they want to prove that they're worth the kind of money they think they deserve. Additionally, arbitration isn't based on potential, it's based on history, and for good reason. Payment is a reward for production, not vice versa. Fletcher has argued that Koivu would arguably be one of the most coveted centers to go UFA in an extremely long time, which is preposterous. Koivu, though good, is not worth this kind of money, and the move really makes me wonder what's stupider, the fact that he believed the bluff that he'd be this valuable on the open market, or the fact that he truly believes he's worth the money.

Gagne For Sale- Now Accepting Bits Of String

There's no need to go into the details of Philly's cap crunch, but if you want a quick run down of it see today's earlier post. Either way, long story short is that Gagne is on the trading block, and he's coming cheap. In fact, the Flyers have stated to the media that if there are no takers, Gagne will be waived, thus sending him to Edmonton. The apparent asking price is going to be a third rounder and a prospect, which is certainly not bad for a first line forward. A team like the Rangers, ripe with young defensive prospects and willing to give up picks would be an ideal choice...if they had any cap room, and weren't hated divisional rivals. Still, that price is too cheap for every team in the NHL to pass on, so let's take a look about where makes sense.

Not the Kings.

I'm sorry but they're getting Kovie for sure. There's no way he's going to spend the next ten years in Newark on a team that everyone knows won't be a contender in the coming years. Thus, the Kings' need for a scoring left winger is a non-issue, and they can focus on getting another blue liner.

Nashville Predators

You know they have the cap space, and you know they need the offense. They have a system ripe with prospects, and Gagne would be quite the addition for the offensively starved team.

The New York Islanders

They're at the cap basement (barely) and they need more depth at winger. They have quality centers in Tavares and Bailey, but in order to spread the offense they need to have more down the sides than just Okposo and Moulson. Thus, the move makes sense.

St. Louis Blues

Paul Kariya is old, if he comes back, and they have not done enough to improve their offense. Though Perron may be ready for first line duty, it doesn't hurt to bring in Gagne, just in case.

Honestly that's all I can think of off the top of my head. I apologize for not doing more research, but in all fairness, I do have six tenths of a life. The move makes sense for just about every team that has the cap space, and if somehow there are no takers, then it's just off to Edmonton for him.

Dubnyk Resigns With Oilers- Team's Average Age Brought Up To 14

Some exciting news for Oilers fans, young goalie Devan Dubnyk is coming back after signing a two year contract. What this means for Jeff Deslauriers doesn't really matter because it's the Oilers, but apparently it means he'll most likely be out of the organization's picture as a result. Dubnyk, you may remember, had a rookie season in which he went 9,840 minutes without getting a single win. And yes, I know that adds up to 164 games worth of minutes.

The move is probably a good one by the Oilers, Deslaurier sucks, and Khabibulin is most likely going to be imprisoned for driving his car made out of alcohol to the alcohol store while drinking alcohol. Or something like that. The team will still suck. But, they've done some things right by signing Kurtis Foster, trading Patrick O'Sullivan, and waiving Ethan Moreau. I'm sure everyone in Edmonton is happy that their team will no longer be in the basement of the West with that thing from the Goonies. But that's not guaranteed, in fact, it's probably still likely.

There are still some big questions, like how good will Sam Gagner really be? Is Dustin Penner really a thirty goal kind of guy? Why does Shawn Horcoff spell his first name incorrectly? And if Mike Comrie is coming back, is he bringing Hilary Duff with him?
All this and more! As we prepare to watch the Pittsburgh Penguins hoist the cup (that's my pick for this year, especially if they get a winger).

Hockey Musical Finds Broad Appeal- Laughing Too Hard At That To Finish Headline

For those of you who haven't seen this, behold Score: The Hockey Musical. If any of you guys are like me, I'm sure you've been waiting earnestly for a corny and unrealistic portrayal of your favorite sport. Still, I think it's fantastic that the sport is getting this kind of exposure, y'know, the frilly and unhelpful kind. Let's just hope there's a High School Musical-esque scene in which one of the film's numbers takes place on the court. I imagine it will be very similar to when Zac Effron was filmed dribbling and singing in HIgh School Musical, except in this case the main character will be doing an in-and-out before being destroyed by Mike Richards.





Absolutely hilarious, in the most cringe worthy of ways.

Writer Manages Not To Miss A Thing Despite Being Away For Full Month- Is Worshipped

Alrighty then, I am really and truly sorry for the inconsistency in posting guys, it's not my fault though. Apparently, writing a blog that gets 4.39 readers a day isn't something that makes a lot of money. So instead, I went out and got an internship this summer. In other words, unlike before, I am now rolling in bank. My life has become like Shark Tale (not Finding Nemo), but replace water with money. Well either way, I've decided to take this free moment to try and restart posting and bringing the creme de la creme of ambiguous and strangely wordy hockey headlines. Today I'm going to compile a list of the teams whose off season moves have been making me smile, and whose have been making me roll down hills in wheel chairs in an attempt to discover something more painfully awful. Next to each team, I will put a rating from a scale of Mike Milbury's Islanders/Frustrated keyboard slapping, to three thumbs up.

Pittsburgh Penguins: Jump Up Triumphantly and Freeze in Mid-Air

That's how good their offseason has been. Though they didn't address the whole 'your best winger is Pascal "I'm a third liner on most teams" Dupuis', they managed to shore up a blue line that was in some desperate need of fine tuning. They let 1,729 year old Sergei Gonchar walk, and managed to spend their new cap space acquiring two of the game's best blue liners in Paul Martin and Zbynek Michalek. The Pens now arguably have the best blue line in the Atlantic, with Martin, Michalek, Letang, and Orpik rounding out their top four. There are rumors that Staal will be moved up to the second line to play with Geno, which makes a lot of sense, considering that they don't have a first line winger. Like I've always said, "If you've got it, always be sure to squander the talent by giving it less ice time." I say "it" because Jordan Staal is not human, nor are his brothers. They are like a Nordic clan of hockey gods: Thor-dan Staal, if you will. Either way those were two brilliant moves by them and for that they get a High School Musical Jump.

Tampa Bay Lightning: Good First Try for Stevie Y

Contract extension for St. Louis, getting Dan Ellis for half the price of Nittymaki, getting rid of Meszaros, and signing Pavel Kubina are all great moves for a GM to make in the opening of free agency. They're even better moves if you're a rookie. Stevie got a veteran goalie to push Mike Smith, and who can also be the team's starter if the situation calls for it. Pavel Kubina is a great, veteran, offensive defenseman who really shores up the team's blue line, and will prove to be a great mentor for the likes of Victor Hedman. Though the team is far from perfect, they could end up vying for a playoff spot this season given the state of many teams in the east.

Atlanta Thrashers: ...Or Should I Say Chicago Blackhawks?

Being a target for salary dumping can be good sometimes. It can be even better when you're receiving desirable assets from the current Stanley Cup winner for practically nothing. In a matter of weeks, Atlanta managed to immensely improve by adding Dustin Byfuglien, Ben Eager, Brent Sopel, and Andrew Ladd through trades, while also signing veteran goal tender Chris "Skull Cap From Lids" Mason. Their goalie situation is better now, with Mason handling things for now, and Pavelec ready to take the reigns in the future. Their blue line is better too, with Johnny Oduya still under contract, Brent Sopel now in the line up (yes, that is a step up from before, don't forget these are the Thrashers we're talking about), and youngsters like Zach Bogosian ready to contribute. They even have a possible first line (which would be a second line on all other teams) in Buff-Stuff, Niclas Bergfors, and Nik Antropov. If that doesn't work out there's plenty of wiggle room with other guys that can contribute like Evander Kane and Bryan Little. Here's the big issue for the Thrash though. Yes, they improved, but not where they need to. They need another blue liner, and a good one at that. Sopel should be a third pairing guy, and Bogosian should be a second. If they can get one more quality blue liner, they'll be in good enough shape defensively. Oduya is definitely a top pair guy for them, and if they can get a guy like Willie Mitchell, he can be Johnny's partner, as long as he stays healthy. Still, there's a desperate need for top line forwards. Though they now have excellent role players in the likes of Ladd and Eager in third line roles, and good players in the likes of Byfuglien as a second line player (which is what he is, at least at this point in his career). Antropov is also a second line guy really. Nevertheless, guys like Kane and Bergfors have the potential to be first liners. The team is shallowest at center, so an acquisition there would make the most sense, however, the best talent is available at wing. A guy like Frolov (who fits the whole defensively irresponsible, scoring-focused Atlanta model) would be a good fit for the right price in terms of getting first line talent, but a guy like Stempniak would be a much harder worker. Both bring risks, and I probably wouldn't sign either of them if I were in Atlanta's position.

Nashville: Slightly indifferent mouth that is leaning towards smiling, but not fully committed.

Los Preds did some things right this year. Firstly, they let Hamhuis (who's a second pairing defenseman, maybe a number two guy tops) walk, which was smart because it gave them cap space to work with, as did trading away RFA's Dustin Boyd and Dan Ellis. They have a plethora of young talent at the blue line, so they're all good defensively, and Pekka Rinne is more than capable of handling the crease. However, from there it starts to go down hill. They set themselves up right for success this offseason, but are not capitalizing. Firstly, they signed Lombardi to a contract that is worth way more than he contributes. 10.5 million over three years is a lot for a guy who's only broken fifty points once. But who knows, he did it on an offensively anemic team, maybe he'll flourish playing with a guy like Patric Hornqvist. They also signed Sergei Kostitsyn, a.k.a. the bad one. I mean he's not terrible, but he's an under-achiever. Worse comes to worse, he's only on for one year. Trading away Jason Arnott was also brilliant. Halischuk will be a very good player, most likely, and that move opened up a lot of cap. Still, the Preds must start signing more. They traded and let players walked so they could improve the offense, and the window is shrinking. The only guys left on the market are high risk-high reward, or old. You can fill out a roster and add punch with guys like Kariya and Guerin, but you can't build around them. If I were them I'd probably sign Frolov if he came at the right price, but either way the need is clear. They have guys that score on the second and third lines, but now they need some star power.

Other teams that did ok: New York Islanders for improving their putrid, putrid blue line with Mark Eaton and Milan Jurcina, Montreal Canadiens for being surprisingly balanced, all season everyone shat on them, but now this offseason everyone's saying they're actually the most balanced and in the position of least needy. Boston Bruins for getting Nathan Horton, but boo them for not getting rid of a center man and opening a hole in their defense. Rangers, though Boogaard is a mistake, the Eminger trade was genius, and there is a whole crop of recruits ready to make the jump. With McDonagh now signed, and Eminger there, Redden may actually be waived. Also, Biron is exactly the kind of back up they need. Anaheim for having the sickest draft ever in Emerson Etem and Cam Fowler, and signing Lydman. And finally St. Louis for acquiring Halak.

Yes, I know, not the teams that everyone mentions when they're thinking of who did a good job, but shut up. This is my website. I'll do what I want.

Here are a few that pleased the masochist demographic of their fan base.

Philadelphia Flyers

Trading for Hamhuis' rights was smart. He would have certainly made the Flyers the best defensive team in the East. Too bad he didn't sign. They need a goal tender, Evgeni Nabokov seemed to fit the bill, yet Leighton was resigned nonetheless, and Nabby is in Russia. They were solid offensively, literally the only need was in goal, yet they signed Nik Zherdev, thus forcing them over the cap and compelling them to trade Gagne, a valuable player, for next to nothing. They traded for Meszaros, a trade that was seen as very solid from the Tampa perspective, and seems a little dumb from the Philly one. What was a Cup contending team that needed to fill only one gap, has now become a cap crunch suffering nightmare. They are now worse offensively, about the same defensively (though they should be better), and still have no goalie. Oh woe is Philadelphia.

New Jersey Devils: The Curious Case Of Reverse Benjamin Button Syndrome

Many may not agree with me, but the Devils made some stupid moves. Tallinder and Volchenkov were both good pick ups, but Volchenkov got too many years. That is not the issue though. Here's the issue for the Devils. Their mentality is not in sync with their situation. They keep pushing to win a cup within a window of time that closed two years ago. Marty is old, Arnott (whom they traded for despite costing 4 mill and being 36) is way past his prime and way too expensive, and Langenbrunner and Elias are both at the end of their ropes. The only youth on the team worth anything is in Parise and Zajac. Their offense is anemic, a problem which is partially a result of the roster and partially of the system. But the biggest issue is they're trading their best young players. Cormier and Bergfors (along with two first rounders and some other picks) are now in Atlanta, and Halischuk is now in Nashville. Maybe as a Ranger fan I'm just shitting on the Devils, but I don't think that's it. I legitimately think that Lou is driving that team into the ground. Though he may not be there for it, they are slowly headed for a rebuilding period that will be both long, and painful.

Chicago Blackhawks: Think Leo Decaprio Being Domed in the Departed

What a terrible offseason for them. They win the Stanley Cup, the greatest of great rewards. It's like a twinkie that's been friend in God's sweat after he's been kicking ass and taking names in Ulama. Yes, they play Ulama in heaven. Then all of a sudden bam, seven players gone. Ladd, Ruff Buff, Sopel, Eager, Burrish, Versteeg, and Colin Fraser, not that anybody cares about Colin Fraser. Performance bonuses have wreaked havoc on their cap situation, as has the ill-advised Huet contract. With Niemi filing for arbitration, and Hjalmarsson getting signed to an offer sheet that was probably more than the 'Hawks wanted to pay, Chi-town is in trouble- to a certain extent. Honestly it doesn't make a huge difference. Their core is still in tact. Campbell, Keith, Nik H, Seabrook, Toews, Hossa, Kane, and Sharp are still there. But losing Versteeg and Buff hurts a lot. Both are exceptional role players who can be relied on for depth scoring. The Blackhawks will be ok, but they can't afford to lose anymore players.

Nashville Predators: Meh Enough To Be Put In Both

Their inability to sign put them here.

St. Louis Blues: Bueller? Bueller?

Seriously where are you guys? Get cracking.

Calgary Flames: You've gotta be making some sort of pun out of Jokinen and the hilarity of the Flames' offseason moves!

You have undoubtedly read all of the "You Must Be Jokinen!" headlines. They're idiots, enough said. Tanguay was actually an ok move because he was successful there, it's a one year deal, and he's coming cheap. However, Jokinen is just the stupidest signing I've ever heard of. That team is heading further and further down the drain unless they can start getting some talent in there fast. The core of Iginla, Regehr, and the Finn Himself (not Olli...) are aging fast. The mighty sure have fallen (from Duck status to goose, as a matter of fact).

No Posts For Last Week And Few Coming In Future- Lone Reader Pisses Himself

Hey guys, I am aware of the fact that the last post was on June 23rd, however I had important shit to do. I also have important shit to do for the next month. Therefore, don't expect too many posts over the next month. Sorry guys.