Blockbuster in Chicago

One hell of a trade between Chicago and Atlanta today, power forward Dustin Byfuglien, defenseman Brent Sopel, right winger Ben Eager, and prospect Akim Aliu, to the Atlanta Thrashers in return for center Marty Reasoner, prospect Jeremy Morin, and the Devils' first and second round pick (which were acquired in the Kovie trade). The Blackhawks were in desperate need of a salary dump, however few expected it to be at the expense of Dustin Byfuglien. It's a good trade considering the nature of the move, Chicago got some good picks out of it. It's Atlanta who really profits from this move. The Devils pick wasn't a great one due to their record, and in return for almost nothing they received a veteran blue liner, an elite, crease crashing power forward, and an outstanding role player in Ben Eager. Though known as a checker, the Ottowa born winger has quite a scoring touch, and many think he would fit in many teams' second lines. Atlanta has really improved their roster with this move. Though they're far from being a cup contender, if they can ink Byfuglien and Eager to multi year deals they'll have good pieces in place. Nevertheless, the two are still role players, and Sopel is no youngster. If Atlanta is to truly achieve a level of strength, they must add to their blue line, and get some true top six forwards other than Evander Kane and Dustin Byfuglien.

Plekanec Gets Signed- Nabokov Doesn't

For those of you hoping that your team would sign young first line playmaking center Tomas Plekanec, prepare to weep and pull out tufts of hair. Les Habitants signed him to a six year deal, the financial terms of which were not disclosed. The move is a good one, as he was the Canadiens leading scorer this past season, and is a good feeder that can score goals when need be. However, it does raise some questions, as the Canadiens are now a little too deep down the middle, now that former Blues prospect Lars Eller is in the fold. Nevertheless, don't look to see Scott Gomez traded, because he won't be. My guess is the Habs will get creative with positioning and move some centers to wings and vice versa. The top line is in desperate need of a player to complement Cammalleri and Plekanec, and Eller could be a very effective member of that unit due to his scoring touch, physicality, and size. I mean let's face it, any line with Mike "Calamari" Cammalleri and Tomas "Jagr" Plekanec is going to be softer than an overweight kindergartner's breasts (though it certainly won't be as tasty).

On the flip side, San Jose is parting ways with their long time goalie Evgeni Nabokov. It's probably a smart move considering that the Sharks need a shake up after repeated years of playoff disappointment. Nevertheless, it raises an issue between the pipes as to who exactly will stand betwixt them. Thomas Greiss is the most likely successor to the veteran goaltender, but who knows the Sharks may sign someone like a Chris Mason to a short term deal in the hopes that they can squeeze out one last attempt at the Cup. That's highly unlikely though.

In other news, Scott Niedermayer announced his retirement after 18 outstanding seasons of terrifying opponents' top offensive units. The retirement spells out "rebuilding phase" to the Ducks, although Teemu Selanne will most likely be back for one more season after the numbers he put up at the end of last season. The Ducks blue line is now a bit of a mess, and it's rumored that the team has not even discussed a new contract with young star Bobby Ryan. Clearly the Ducks are at a bit of a crossroads; it'll be most interesting to see what they choose to do this summer.

Tom Renney was also named head coach of the Oilers today, in a move that I agree with, but at perhaps a stupidly planned time. The front office says that the team wants to take a slow rebuilding process, and says that it understands that there are no quick fixes. However, the ousting of Pat Quinn after one season seems to part from that philosophy quite a bit. Though it was understood that Renney would eventually take the reigns there, this timing seems ill advised, especially considering that Quinn coached the projected first pick in this year's draft, Taylor Hall. Perhaps this is a sign that they're preparing to take Seguin, as they're weaker at center than at wing, and Seguin, who is a more defensively responsible player, would fit in with Renney better. Still, Hall was born in Alberta, and is the far more dynamic player, so expect to see him get called up to that podium first.

Bruins Acquire Horton

The Boston Bruins acquired winger/center Nathan Horton and winger Gregory Campbell from Florida today for defenseman Denis Wideman, the 15th overall pick in this year's draft, and another pick. The move does a lot to improve the offense of the second lowest scoring team in the NHL by adding a 25-year old talent that has the potential to be a point per game player on a good team. He led the Panthers in scoring last season despite playing only 66 games, and has posted two 62-point seasons and one 31-goal season. The move arguably helps Florida by adding an experienced blue-liner to the mix (though one that has certainly lost his luster, to put it kindly) and a first round pick in this year's draft.

I like the acquisition, however, this certainly leaves a lot of questions for Boston this summer. Firstly, I was surprised that they gave up their second first round pick, as this year seemed like the year that the Bruins were going to be able to revitalize an aging injury plagued team with a slew of young talent. Secondly, the move leaves a hole at the blue line, and a big question mark at center as to what to do with all these pivot players. It is possible that they could pursue Toronto's Tomas Kaberle like they tried to do last summer. Kaberle, a veteran puck moving defenseman, would certainly fill that hole and add to the team's offensive ability. Also, the Leafs are in desperate need of players in their top two lines, and a first line center would be ideal for Toronto to put on a line with Phil Kessel. My guess is Krejci and either some prospects or another player go to Toronto in return for Kaberle. Thus, Boston would have room for Tyler Seguin, and a veteran defenseman to replace Wideman, as Toronto would gain a first line center to feed Kessel, and some good young pieces to build around.

Trade Rumors, Trade Rumors, Trade Rumors- Talks Heat Up as Audience Laments Blog's Recent Lack of Humor

It's this time of the season when I feel like a kid in a candy store- I love trades and signings. So let's cut through the shit, and talk about some trades that I would love to see happen. They won't happen. But I'd like to see them go down nonetheless. Players involved are ones either openly on the trading block, or have had rumors spread about their being on the trading block. Here we go:


Idea #1: Jason Spezza to the Oilers

Apparently, the Oilers once offered a package to the Sens for Spezza involving the likes of Dustin Penner, Andrew Cogliano, and possibly Sam Ganger. Luckily for Edmonton, Spezza's now worth about Dustin Penner. The trade makes a ton of sense for Edmonton- they need a first line center to play with Taylor Hall, and they're deep at the wing. However, it doesn't make a ton of sense for Ottowa. Then again nothing will make a ton of sense for Ottowa, the best thing for them now is to hit the reset button on the whole roster. If I were Ottowa, I would charge a higher price than just Penner. In fact, I would most likely demand Cogliano in a trade anyway in the hopes of getting a future first line center to play with Penner and whichever prehistoric winger plays on the first line (probably Alfredsson). Will this trade happen? Not for this price. Ottowa will demand a lot more than Spezza's worth for him, and people will pay that price. Still, from a pure value stand point, Penner and a second rounder would do the trick.

Idea #2: Crazy Three Way Trade Between Oilers, Senators, and Penguins

Here are the basics of the deal- Spezza to the Oilers, Penner and a second rounder to the Sens, Malkin to the Sens, a myriad of draft picks and Erik Karlsson to the Penguins, and Alexander Frolov (or Kovalchuk, if there's cap room) signs to play on Crosby's line. This deal gives the Sens the first line center to replace Spezza, gives the Oilers a center for Hall, and gives the Pens draft picks, a great young blue liner (which they need badly), and cap space to pay Staal and sign Frolov. This will never ever happen. There is nothing to substantiate that this would ever happen. Still, it's a cool idea though.


Idea# 3: Bergeron to the Panthers and Horton to the Bruins

Bruins are deep already down the middle, with Patrice Bergeron, David Krejci, and Marc Savard all in the mix. Add in Tyler Seguin and the situation is an absolute nightmare. Dave Tallon wants to rebuild this Panthers team, starting by getting rid of some players that are most associated with the team's failures. Horton had 57 points on an awful team, and could probably be a fairly productive right winger on a better team. Plus, he's only 25. Bergeron is an outstandingly talented center who played his way onto Canada's Olympic roster, and would revitalize that team immensely. Bergeron would probably fetch a bit more than just Horton alone due to his potential upside- but a one for one trade wouldn't be the worst thing for Boston, as they really need to dump a center.

More to come later. Stick around.

Halak, Arnott, Hamhuis- Oh My! Big Week in Trades Ignored Because Of Jewish Tradition

I apologize for not posting this week, unfortunately for me, I had a family member being Bat Mitzvahed this weekend. It's been a whirlwind couple of days in the NHL. In a way it's been more exciting than the actual Stanley Cup Finals, then again, I was once locked in cupboard for six hours as a small child and I even found that more interesting than watching the Flyers play hockey. So here's the scoop on each trade that's gone down in the time that I've been gone.


Jaroslav "Oh My God How Am I This Clutch" Halak Goes to the St. Louis Blues

If you're like me, upon hearing of this trade you immediately took a large sip of hot coffee, and then proceeded to spit out dramatically on a small child. At first glance this trade makes as much sense as reading does to my dyslexic son. Yet, if you look at what each team gets out of it, and if you look at Montreal's cap issues, the trade does make resemble a somewhat logical move. Halak was going to need a big contract. Like a really big contract. When you get down to the brass tacks, the Habs couldn't afford to give him the kind of contract that Halak was looking for- and he fetched a better price (pun intended?). They were only going to keep one of them, and much to the protests of the inhabitants of Montreal, Price is not a bad goalie. Price has the tools to be great, it's just a matter of his confidence and mental state. This trade gives Price the nod that this franchise is his, and that the management and coaching staff believe in him. Price is cheaper, he could still be a great goalie in this league, and the thing about Halak is that he's terrible when not facing a ton of shots. He collapsed against Philadelphia as soon as his full attention wasn't needed for every single moment of the sixty minutes. This move could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to them if Halak can't fix that problem. The move could also be an absolute mistake if Price can't get his head right- which I think he can. The blue line is better now that Subban is there and Gorges has learned how to play hockey. Price can still be successful.

Additionally, the pieces received for Halak were much better than the ones received for Price. Lars Ellers is a stud. He's the best prospect that the Blues had to offer, and he's now a part of the Canadiens' organization. He will provide great scoring depth for them, and he brings size along with his excellent hands. Ian Schultz will also bolster the team's depth at forward immensely, as he will most likely be George Laraque's replacement this season now that they bought out their former enforcer's contract. Schultz, like Ellers, can score, and is also one of the only prospects to actually have his own page on most hockey fight websites. He'll add size, physicality, energy, and a bit of scoring to that roster. Is this a deal I would have done? Probably not. But I think that this move will most likely turn out for the better for both teams, whether that means Price becomes a top tier tender, or Ellers becomes an offensive machine.


Ryan Parent to Preds and Dan Hamhuis to Flyers

This move is genius on the part of the Predators. It's fairly smart of the Flyers too, as Hamhuis is a top tier defenseman who will really bolster a blue line that is especially important to the team due to the perennial lack of goaltending. The Preds get a sophomore player who was a first round draft pick (which means less of a cap hit than Hamhuis) in Ryan Parent, which adds a lot of youth to a roster that really needed some. Parent could become a damn good player in the league, and if all goes well with him he could end up staying there for a good amount of time. Even if he doesn't become a stud, he's still a solid defenseman who can play on any team's top six, and the Preds weren't going to sign Hamhuis anyway, so the move just makes sense either way. The upside is huge on it. The Flyers on the other hand get the player who many pegged to be the next dominant Devils defenseman. Thank god he's not. Though I hate Philadelphia, there are no teams I despise more than the Devils and Isles. Hamhuis is a top pairing defenseman, and the idea of coupling him with Pronger is a frightening proposition to opposing teams. It adds enormous depth at the blue-line for the Flyers, and could the move could gain even more significance and value if they get a real number one goaltender. They could really compete this season, as long as they get someone between the pipes, and maybe make a few adjustments at forward. The Preds are also going to be good, as they're getting younger and dumping cap space like crazy, which means there's the possibility for some big signings (see next trade).


Jason Arnott to Devils and Matt Halischuk to Predators

I know what you must be thinking- who the fuck is Matt Halischuk. I'll tell you right now, it doesn't matter who the fuck Matt Halischuk is. This deal has nothing to do with getting a good piece for the Preds, it's salary dumping. Arnott's got a big cap hit, and isn't really that great at the ripe age of 36. However, he is a former Devil, and the Devils really need some depth at forward. Thus, we see a lopsided trade in which the Preds receive a young player with a small cap hit, and dump off an old player way past his prime (which was never even that good to start) with a large cap hit. The Devils are clearly in patch up mode, as they evidently think that there's still a window to win another cup with the Elias, Langenbrunner, Brodeur generation. Arnott is old and is not going to be around too much longer, and it's clearly a move by Lou (who seems to really be slipping as of late) to try and patch up a leaky boat in an attempt to make it sea worthy. The Predators, now free of Hamhuis and Arnott, are now able to go out and really sign some players who are really worth the money. The best part for them, is that none of them need to be defensemen. They're deep at the blue-line, which will allow them to go out and get better offensive producers to help Patrick Hornqvist. With Pekka Rinne between the pipes, the Preds could do something dangerous this season with the addition of some smart offensive pick ups. The Devils on the other hand, will continue their deep spiral into oblivion as they're team gets older and older. It's a shame, a youth movement this season would allow the Devils to pick up where they left off in a few years. Instead, they'll now waste time on a window that already closed, and will need to spend years rebuilding every facet of their team as a result. Yippee for Rangers fans.

Blogger is Idiot- Forgets About Plekanec in Atlantic Round Up

Plekanec is also a good first line center for a team like the Islanders (or maybe even Rangers or Devils) to pick up. Although I do think that his post season production will severely reduce his free agency value and he will end up staying in Montreal. Just saying, it's another possibility.

Phaneuf Gets Captaincy- Ian White Cries Himself to Sleep

Ian White right now is most likely a collapsed ball of tears up in Calgary, then again, he may just be too blue collar to cry. The defenseman who was traded in one of the numerous packages that Brian Burke sent out before the deadline was seen as a possible candidate to take over as captain of the Leafs after a few years were put under his belt. Now, Dion "Who Cares About the Whole 'Sloppy Seconds' Thing I Slept With Elisha Cuthbert" Phaneuf is going to be the first Leaf to wear the 'C' since 2008. A majority of people with half a brain are skeptical of the move, even a good chunk of those with one quarter of a brain are a little apprehensive of the decision. I personally agree with it though, the only person I would rather see as Captain of the team is Phil Kessel. Yes he's young, however he's the cornerstone of that team. The Leafs gave up everything for him, and I think that the team's decisions should reflect that. Nevertheless, Phaneuf makes sense. He's young, he's going to be there for a very long time, and he's arguably the right mix of experience and skill to lead that team. Could it be an absolute failure? Definitely. But this is how you get the best out of young, talented, but inconsistent players. By giving him this vote of confidence I think they'll see a Phaneuf that feels as though he is in control of the locker room, and is valued as a Toronto Maple Leaf.

Still, the exact opposite could end up happening. He's the first captain since Sundin in 2008, and he's joining an incredibly respected group of players. The pressure on him now could end up crushing him and making the whole experiment an epic failure. But I think the kid definitely has talent, and I think that this will get the best of him on the ice. Though they're the Leafs and they'll always suck, there are now pieces in place for a little bit of success there. Phaneuf, Kessel, Gustavsson, Komisarek, Beauchemin, even a guy like Finger is ok to have. Defensively they're not the worst team I've ever seen. They have four defensemen who are keepers, Gustavsson is a pretty good, young goalie, and Giguere seemed to have a Renaissance there once he was reunited with his old goalie coach. If they fix their offense and get a better goalie then they could be in ok shape. They must be more than mourning the loss of their draft picks. Nothing would fix that team faster than a line with Kessel and Seguin on it.

Exciting Summer For the Atlantic Division- Except for the Islanders

It's going to be one hell of a summer in the Atlantic Division this year. Between the Malkin trade rumors, the Pens' need of a first line winger, the Flyers' need of a goalie, the Devils need of an everything, and the Rangers need of offensive depth, it's going to be quite the spectacle to behold. So let's go team by team and break down what's happening with each.

Penguins

Penguins need a winger, Staal needs a raise, and they might need a new top pair defenseman. Rumor has it that management in Pittsburgh desperately wants a first line winger to play with Crosby and alleviate some pressure from the star center. Rumor also has it that they're going to free up the cap space (or acquire the winger) through the trade of Evgeni Malkin, which would also allow them to give more money to Staal and put him on the second line where he belongs. There are also rumors that Sergei Gonchar may be on his way out of the franchise, which would free up some space to sign a winger, or another top line defenseman. Here's what I would do if I were the Penguins. Firstly, let Gonchar walk, unless you can get him for less than the 2 million dollars. Secondly, trade Malkin for a second liner, a prospect, and some draft picks, and sign a good winger. However, if there are no good wingers on the market, that trade would have to include a top line winger. One interesting prospect would be to trade Malkin for a package like the first one stated, and then sign Ilya Kovalchuk. Another good move for them would be (if they had the cap space) to sign Anton Volchenkov in the event of Gonchar leaving. Though he is not offensively minded like Gonchar, their defensive corps is not quite strong enough to be a cup contender. The addition of a shutdown defenseman like Volchenkov would be an immense boost to the team's defensive prowess. In short, get rid of Malkin, get rid of Gonchar, get a winger, give Staal a raise, sign Volchenkov and that team immediately becomes better.

Flyers

The Flyers have to do very little this off-season to improve their team, they just need to get a goalie. The rest of their team is definitely quality. It's not necessarily the best team, but it's definitely adequate. Since the Flyers like aged goal tenders who are journey men, I say sign Chris Mason. He's relatively affordable, and he's legitimately good. The other options would be to trade for Jonathan Quick of the Los Angeles Kings, or for Carey Price of the Montreal Canadiens. Price would certainly be cheaper, and he's also an RFA this season. However, he also has the greater risk of being an absolute flop. Quick on the other hand would be more expensive, but would have a better chance of being successful. Now you must be asking yourself, "Why would the give up Quick? He's young and he's pretty good." Well shut up and stop asking questions. The Kings have a better goalie in their system in Jonathan Bernier. The kid's a stud, and he's younger than Quick. Therefore, Quick should be attainable in a trade. Either way, if they get a goalie, they'll be in pretty good shape. Maybe they could use more depth at the blue line, but Pronger's still a shutdown guy, Timmonen doesn't suck, and overall they're team is pretty good. Get a goalie and they'll be legitimate.

Devils

What don't the Devils need this offseason. Marty may or may not retire, but either way they're screwed at goalie. Brodeur is ancient and will be awful, and anyone they'll get to replace him in the off chance that he retires will also suck. Paul Martin isn't coming back, Ilya Kovalsuck (no that's not a typo) isn't coming back, Bergfors is gone, Oduya is gone, their draft picks are gone, and Patrice Cormier (the infamous elbowing prospect) is gone. That leaves them without a goalie, without a defense, and without an offense. Firstly, to fix the defense, go after Dan Humhuius of the Nashville Predators, or chase another veteran defenseman and try to trade for them. One idea which would never happen would be to trade for one of the Rangers' many young defensive prospects like Ryan McDonagh, Bobby Sanguinetti, or Matt Gilroy. On offense, they should sign Marleau because they need a center to play with Parise, and Marleau's got a scoring touch. In essence, sign as many good offensive players as are available. The offense is putrid. In fact, just sign the best players available period, there is no part of this team that is even close to being acceptable. Nevertheless, they'll still end up being a second seed and will get knocked out of the playoffs in the first round.

Rangers

The Rangers have already done some stuff that is going to significantly increase the potency of this team's offense. Firstly, they signed Mats Zuccarello Aasen, who led the Swedish League in scoring this year and has 104 points in 90 games in his career in the SEL. He's also only 23 and 5' 7". They also signed their young prospect from Wisconsin Derek Stepan to a deal. Stepan is best known for being ranked as the sixteenth best prospect in the nation, and led the world juniors tournament in scoring as the captain of the US team. These two moves immediately strengthen the team's offensive ability. Gaborik and Aasen on the first line will be deadly, and Stepan will most likely be a good fit in the second line between Dubinsky and Callahan. The infamous "fourth line" of Shelley, Prust, and Anisimov will most likely be back which is an excellent checking and energy line (it's probably the best line on the team period). Still, the Rangers need to resign Girardi and Staal (who will be receiving a raise) as they will most likely form the team's top shutdown pairing. In fact, they'll actually be a pretty effective shutdown pairing. As much as everyone would like Redden and Roszival to go away, chances are neither of them are going anywhere. Unless Redden truly bombs at camp he will be on the roster once again causing havoc for the cap. Chirstensen, Prospal, Shelley, and Prust all also need to be resigned, and I would expect to see them all back except possibly Prospal now that Stepan is in the mix. The biggest needs of the Rangers now is a sixth defenseman and a third line forward. No offense to Matt Gilroy but he was too old as a rookie to ever be a truly good defenseman. Though he may find success on other rosters, he will not make it as a Ranger. That leaves a wide open sixth spot for another defenseman. I say bring up McDonagh or Sanguinetti, but who knows what will happen. As for the third line forward, I really want Ben Eager. I don't have the specifics on his contract but I know he might be a free agent this season. A player like him would increase the team's physicality enormously, and he has a scoring touch which is always good for a checker to have. Still, expect the Rangers to be no better than a seventh seed if they even make the playoffs.

Islanders

Here's what the Islanders need to do this summer. Number one, bury DiPietro's contract deep within the ground never to be heard from again. His woman with a thyroid problem of a contract will tie up way too much cap space for them to ever truly get any good pieces in place from the free agent market. Here are some interesting ideas for them, keep in mind, the cap space may yield great issues with some of these moves. Firstly, sign Kovalchuk, the Isles need offense and they need a winger besides Okposo to play with Tavares. Now that will never happen because Kovalchuk wants to be on a winner and won't want to be in the shadow of another franchise, but still, the Islanders need some offensive skill. They should also pursue Dustin Byfuglien, who is right now arguably one of the best power forwards in the NHL. They also need to draft a goalie, because they're not really going to find one in this market with DiPietro's contract. They also need to eliminate the scrubs from their team. They've become a haven for no name players looking for work. Mike Comrie would be a good and affordable addition to the team's roster, that is if Edmonton doesn't resign him. In short, get rid of some of these no names, get a good defenseman to play with Streit, get some more depth at forward, and everything will be on a track to a better future. Still, success will never come as long as DiPietro is on the books. Also they should consider signing Nik Zherdev, who though he is quite lazy, could provide some much needed offense.

Black Hawks Win The Cup- Audience Laughs At My Lateness To Party

Yes I know it's been a week since I posted, and yes I know that the Cup was won last wednesday, but it's hard to post when you're too busy watching Kris Versteeg lay down some mad rhymes.



Like a yummier Steve Ott, mmm. I will not talk about the game itself, the fact that it even went to OT is a joke, as is the fact that the game's outcome was ever even in a state of question. Still, there was nothing sweeter than seeing Marian Hossa hoist that cup. For all our joking about his hex, there isn't a player more deserving that's been so close so many times. Hossa works hard, is extremely talented, and is a genuinely stand up guy, so good for him. On the other hand, the fact that Danny Briere thought that them winning the Cup was fate was actually the funniest thing I've ever heard, as was the exchange between Adam Burrish and Chris Pronger. Pronger snidely belittled Burrish because he didn't play in the Finals themselves, but Chris, who has the ring on their finger? Just saying. If this post seems to be all over the place, it's because I'm being overwhelmed with things to write about. It's also because I'm high as balls right now.

The celebration was sick, ground reports estimate something like 2 million people went out to see the parade and celebrate. So much for people not caring about hockey. Kaner's speech was hilarious, but in al seriousness, let's hope his comments weren't true. I don't know what I'd do with my summer if he kept his shirt on the whole time. Still, it might be a good idea for him to avoid cabs, just in case.

Nevertheless, it won't be all fun and games for the organization this summer. Though they'll be celebrating their epic cup win, they're going to have some major cap issues to deal with once next season roles around. They have a number of role players that are going to need to be resigned but will most likely all require raises, Niemi needs a raise and a new contract, and they still have Cristobal Huet and his whale of a contract. I say trade Huet or send him down to the minors, resign Niemi, resign all the role players except John Madden, and let Ben Eager walk (not really, I just want him to be the Rangers' third line winger). Still, congrats on the big win. 'Hawks are my favorite team in the Western Conference and it was nice to see them achieve such a huge milestone for their franchise.

Hawks Crush Flyers, Head To Philadelphia For Game Six

The last time I saw someone get hammered as badly as the Flyers did last night I was trying to explain to my parents why I had a tattoo that read: "Death to Infidels" burnt across my lower back. The first period of last night's game was the single greatest thing I've ever watched. It belonged more on a rape fetish website than an NBC broadcast (please don't laugh at that joke, it's in more than poor taste). Firstly, Jon Toews got his swagger back, and was tearing apart Philly's D in the neutral zone and through the blue line. Though he only had one assist on the ice, his speed and vision created numerous chances, pushed momentum in his team's favor, and rattled Philly's defensive corps. Secondly, the line juggling actually succeeded. Byfuglien got to be on the ice without Chris Pronger battling him for position in front of the crease, allowing him to score 2-2-4 for the night. Patrick Kane, who had also been struggling to produce, also added a goal to the spread. Not only did the members of the team's original top line produce and look better than they had all season, the 'Hawks managed to also create a new top line that played phenomenally. In fact, Marian Hossa has arguably been Chicago's best forward in the series- who saw that happening? But he's been an outstanding back-checker, has produced offensively, and has been the kind of veteran presence that every team he's ever been on has asked him to step up and be in the post season.
Additionally, they beat the crap out of Chris Pronger. He's been playing more than a half hour a night, as a thirty five year old. He shouldn't be playing easy enough minutes that he can go for more than half the game, and the 'Hawks made sure of that. Every second he was on the ice Pronger was forced to move or got the crap kicked out of him. A tired Pronger who was not used to the level of physicality being dished out on him allowed Chicago to unleash on offensive armageddon on Philadelphia. A tired Pronger also let Chicago get in Leighton's face, and establish effective screens. A favorable match up for Dustin Byfuglien also helped with that. I think they'll close it out next game, they're not going to want to let Philly get a chance to beat them out for the Cup in a game seven.

Ilya Kovalchuk- Countdown To Inauguration As Most Overpaid Player

I read something interesting today on Kovie's value as a franchise player, and his ability to serve as a nucleus for a Cup-winning team to be built around. Of course, it was interesting the same way baby bear cubs with mild down syndrome are interesting when dressed up as full-time professionals (nothing more fascinating than one in a nurse's outfit). It seems like the only thing that can be said about Kovalchuk is that he is the biggest free agent to go on the market since the lockout. The number floating around for him is as high as ten million dollars a year, apparently they want to pay him a dollar for every time he makes a defensive mistake. Kovalchuk is a garbage player. His tenure on the Devils proved that. He's a player who can be great on a bad team, because there, he can ignore his defensive responsibilities, play selfishly, and make the goal of the game to improve his stat sheet. On a team where it doesn't matter if they'll win or lose, like the Atlanta Thrashers, Kovie can just skate around and shoot the puck. Yet on a team like the Devils, where the goal is winning the game (which requires back checking), Kovalchuk fails. Though he scored almost a point a game, they weren't significant points, meaning they weren't clutch. Though Kovie can score 50 plus goals in a season, he can't score a goal with a minute left in the game to send it into OT. He'll score because he spends all game standing in a position that will allow him to rip a one timer past the goalie, or allow him snipe one past with a wrister. There are players that have that ability to come up big- Kovie's not one of them.
He also doesn't play defense. His supporters say that he doesn't need to because his job is to score goals. But that's not an excuse. My job is just to sweep up hair from the floor at a hair salon, but does that mean that it's not expected of me to pick up tufts of it and sniff it sensually? Players always need to play defense. Even if players can get away with not playing it in the regular season, once the post-season comes around you can be sure that everyone is coming back on the back check. Kovie's untested in the playoffs, never produces in clutch situations, and is incredibly one-dimensional. Though older, at least Marleau can play winger and center, and is defensively responsible. I'd take him over Kovie any day. Nevertheless, Kovie will land a big contract somewhere, perhaps in LA if Frolov (whose been offered a contract in KHL and also plays left wing) ends up getting cleared off the books. Then again, he could pull a Tkachuk and end up going back to Atlanta, though that's highly unlikely. I personally hope he somehow ends up on the Islanders, then because on the off chance that I meet him, I can steal his wallet and throw it behind him, thus preventing him from retrieving it and forcing him to rely on someone else to do it for him.

Stanley Cup Filing Charges After Accusations That Justin Bieber Touched Him

On this morning, June 4, 2010, a day that shall forever live in infamy, our holiest of grails was defiled by the worst of offenders-Justin Bieber. Now I'll be honest here, I have more than a mild case of the Bieber Fever- not to be confused with the beaver fever, which is a horrifying malady of unspeakable devastation- yet this crosses the line. No dreamy (or supple) pop sensation gets to touch the Cup. Period. The only time a person gets to touch the cup, is if they've won it, or you're a part of Make a Wish Foundation. For Bieber to touch it is utter sacrilege, and an offense that I'm sure is making Hockey Jesus writhe in agony. What perhaps makes this ordeal worse, is the fact that Bieber himself is a hockey player- or at least as much of a player as a 5' 3" 110 pound 16-year old can be. He should know better. It's one thing if you're not a player or a fan, though I still do not approve of that. But to be a player and to touch it, is incredibly disrespectful. You partake in the world's greatest game, the greatest achievement in which is the world's greatest trophy, and you're holding it because of your hair. They say it weighs thirty pounds- except when you're lifting it, presumably after you've won it. I guess that's why you couldn't lift it above your waist, because you didn't win it. Show some etiquette, be a player, respect the chalice.

Yet it's not all bad news. After the show had finished broadcasting it was reported that Lord Stanley's Cup then broke down into a fit of self-loathing, bitterly angry, and desperate tears. The chalice then declared that he was prepared to bring up charges against the Canadian born singer for touching him inappropriately, even saying that he was prepared to show video evidence and demonstrate the molestation on a doll. Bieber immediately denied the allegations, however, to no avail, as the whole scene had been filmed and broadcasted by the good people at the even better network of NBC. Upon hearing of the accusations, thousands of screaming pre-pubescent girls ran screaming into the streets and began to riot, throwing flaming trash cans through store windows, slashing tires, and defacing private property. The inhabitants of Montreal became enraged by the plagiarism of their trademark reaction, yet no one cared, because they're French Canadian. As the chaos came to a stand still, one girl was asked about her emotions and how she felt about the allegations, and she responded, "Y'know we're all just so mad, like, why couldn't it have been me that got to accuse him of stuff like that."

Chris Pronger Steals Pucks- Soon to Steal Souls (and Virginities)

Chris Pronger, agitator extraordinaire and world renowned douche monkey, stole the pucks from Games One and Two of the Stanley Cup Finals, for those of you who haven't heard. Those in Chicago who already assumed that the Blackhawks were going to win the series were furious at the lost opportunity to sell some sweet merch. However, the more appropriate response would be fear. Sure, he's taking pucks now, but who knows what he'll take next time he's in Chicago- The Reebok tag off of the Jordan statue's sweater? A chunk of the city's collective? Jon Toews' virginity? (Let's face it, Patrick Kane, or more specifically his mullet, is a poon magnet). When asked about the incident Pronger said that the pucks were in the trash where they belonged, and said that Ben Eager did not take kindly to the gesture saying that apparently "Little things amuse little minds". Actual Quote right there. First one on the site. Ever. Upon being asked to respond to Pronger's quip, Eager replied by emitting a guttural cry and beating his chest fiercely. God, who doesn't love irony? I'll tell you who, people with hemochromatosis- look that shit up.

Either way the tactic, seemingly taken straight from Niccobro Machiavelli's "The Douche", has yielded its intended benefits. The Flyers won Game 3 in OT, and Christopher "I Spit in Children's Ice Cream" Pronger was a thorn in their side all night. Some people have called his actions "Bush League" (cough, Jeremy Roenick, cough) which is ironic because that is coming from a guy who just months ago said Chris Drury had no place on the US Olympic team and was a terrible hockey player, which in my opinion was an incredibly classless thing to say about a stand-up guy like Drury, ignoring the decline of his quality of offensive production. Now I'm not saying that Pronger has gone from assy to classy overnight, in fact, I think his actions say quite the opposite. But this series-and this postseason- have really allowed me to have new found respect for Pronger as a leader, and as a competitor. Though his actions may seem juvenile, he's doing what he needs to to get his team the Cup. He's showing the guys around him that there's no reason for the 'Hawks to celebrate just yet, and he's demonstrating the kind of grittiness and resilience that is needed to bring the chalice home- and the kind of determination that Flyers displayed last night. I hate the Flyers, the 'Hawks should still win (though they've looked like ass so far compared to the Sharks series), and the West still bitterly rapes the East, but boy, oh boy, do I love Chris Pronger.