An Inspiring Story of Strength and Perseverance

Hello everyone, and a very merry holiday season. Though not everyone observes this time of year with equal zeal and enthusiasm, I don't think that there is anyone who does not believe it is a season of giving and caring. The holidays appeal directly to our humanity, regardless of creed. On this Christmas Eve day, ESPN's OTL presented the story of six year old Josiah Viera, a boy who suffers from Hutchinson-Gilford Progeria syndrome. Progeria is an incredibly rare disease that accelerates aging at an approximate rate of 10 years to 1 year. Below is the link to the written story, as well as the video report that was shown on the show itself. And let me just say, that the strength and fortitude that this boy and his family embody are some of the most inspiring things I have ever seen in my entire life. Having said that, please do not write that off as hyperbole. When I say it, I mean it. There are many stories throughout the journalism that inspire and touch, but I have never seen one like this. I hope that we all can learn to draw from the strength of Josiah and his family. And I hope that this story will help you appreciate what you have during this holiday season, no matter how little what you have may seem.

ESPN: OTL


Have an excellent Christmas and New Year. I hope that you have found that story as inspiring and touching as I did. Appreciate what you have, and see you in 2011.

Brian Little Scores Goal So Dirty That 43% of Audience Must Shower Immediately Afterwards

Dirty doesn't even describe how sick this goal is.





Brilliantly epic. However, one must really sympathize with the Islanders, they had a 3 goal lead going into the third period. Not only did they give up that lead- they gave up that lead in part to that goal. These are not easy times for Islanders fans. Personally, their struggles are a mystery to me (though they aren't to anybody else). I thought this would be the year that the Islanders would finally build on all the smart things they had been doing as of late. Between Josh Bailey, John Taveres, Nino, Kyle Okposo, Matt Moulson, Frans Nielsen, Rob Schremp, and Blake Comeau, they were getting a nice young core going. The additions of Eaton, Jurcina, and Wisniewski had me believing that this would be a stronger defensive corps than previous incarnations. Yet key injuries to Streit and Okposo have hurt them, as have the demotions of Bailey and Nino. To top it all off, they fired Scott Gordon, and replaced him with your creepy neighbor who drives a truck and is the bass player in a White Lion cover band. Oh well. At least I hear Quebec is nice this time of year.

How Good Are The Hot Teams

There are some seriously hot teams in the NHL (and no, were not just saying that because these teams have lookers like Pascal Dupuis). From the Habs, to the Thrashers, to the Stars, the league is filled with teams that have dominated as of late despite what some would consider less than premier rosters. Obviously teams like the Penguins have also been successful as of late- however- who wasn't expecting that anyway? Hell, they were my pre-season Cup pick, and I'm sticking with it. Nevertheless, here's a breakdown of the sustainability of every team with six or more wins in their last ten games.

PIttsburgh Penguins

The Penguins are only going to get better as the season goes on, much to the chagrin of, well, everyone outside of the NHL front office and Pittsburgh. Jordan Staal has been missing all season, and Evgeni Malkin has missed his last 3 games. Nevertheless, they're on an 11-game win streak, in which Marc-Andre Fleury has posted a .940 save percentage and a GAA in the 1.7's. They're defensive pick ups are starting to look like very wise investments also, as the corps, which now boasts the likes of Zbynek Michalek, Paul Martin, Kris Letang, and Alex Goligoski. Though they lack depth at forward, their supporting cast is still strong enough to win a Cup, especially while Crosby is putting up points at the pace that Gretzky did. In his 17 game point streak, he has 35 points, and is 26-24-50 on the season in 30 GP. So much for Stamkos being the new best player.

New York Rangers

I'm a Rangers fan, and unfortunately, this success is not sustainable. Henrik Lundqvist has been far from consistent, they lack firepower at forward, and they've been riddled with injuries and line changes. What will hurt them most though, will be the lack of first line center. The rise of Brian Boyle (11 goals) and Derek Stepan have given the team a wealth of second line quality pivots. Yet there is no one to really help Marian Gaborik put the puck in the net. The line of Avery-Christensen-Gabby was effective, however, who knows how long that will last. Until the offense improves, they can't hope to sustain a 6-4 record in their last 10. Still, there are some bright spots. They lead the NHL in hits, and rank amongst the tops in terms of PK and blocked shots.

Montreal Canadiens

They could actually keep it up. Carey Price is playing out of his mind, and though they may not have the best players at every position, they are even and deep. They have a first line center in Tomas Plekanec, and a second line in Scott Gomez. They have snipers in Andrei Kostitsyn and Mike Cammalleri. They have checkers in Maxim Lapierre, and Tom Pyatt, and they have versatile forwards that can be floated all over the roster in Lars Eller and Benoit Pouliot. With Brian Gionta as their Captain, they have a solid forward corps. Their defensive corps, on the other hand, is old. Roman Hamrlik is old, as is Jaroslav Spacek, and Hal Gill. P.K. Subban has shown signs of brilliance, yet he's been a healthy scratch recently due to his attitude and recklessness. Josh Gorges is a solid stay at home guy though, and really anchors the corps. All in all, they probably won't win the division, yet they will most likely rank in the top five seeds.

Tampa Bay Lightning

No. They have Steve Stamkos and Martin St. Louis, and a fairly deep forward corps when healthy. Additionally, they have a more evened out blue line with Victor Hedman and Pavel Kubina. Yet the goaltending is so putrid, that their offense and coaching cannot overcome it. They will still make the playoffs because the bottom half of the standings is full of terrible teams, but don't expect anything to happen in the playoffs as long as their two headed tandem in goal has a collective save percentage below .900 and a GAA over 3.00.


Atlanta Thrashers

Yes. Great goaltending tandem, and a young franchise goalie who will become a star in a market that needs one. Dustin Byfuglien has proven to be a viable offensive defenseman, which makes sense when you're a former forward with an outstanding goalie. I'm still not convinced he should be back there- however his stats say otherwise. Andrew Ladd has continued to be a great captain and a point per game player, and the team is third in the league in blocked shots, has an excellent PK, and has one of the best powerplays in the NHL. Will they continue to win 8 out of every 10? No. But they will continue to be competitive and will make the playoffs this year. This team is well balanced and well coached.

Chicago Blackhawks

Possibly. They're riddled by injuries, they are weak in goal, and sometimes don't show up to games. However, winning without Campbell, Hossa, and Kane is impressive. Toews is really starting to step up to be one of the best centers in the league statistically (he always was premier in terms of intangibles). Winning in the face of adversity is key to success in the playoffs, and the 'Hawks are doing just that. Also, Corey Crawford is beginning to have some believe he's the next Antti Niemi.


Edmonton Oilers

Is it sustainable? Probably not. But don't expect them to be as bad as they were at the beginning. Martin Gerber and Devan Dubnyk are playing well, and Khabibulin has been acceptable. Their blue line has Kurtis Foster, Jim Vandermeer, Ryan Whitney, Theo Peckham, Tom Gilbert, and Ladislav Smid. It isn't a group of all-stars, but it's more competent than plenty of other defensive corps in the league. At forward they have some firepower between Horcoff, Hemsky, Penner, Eberle, Pajaarvi, Hall, Gagner, and Cogliano. As of now they're all second or third liners on other teams. Nevertheless, as an ensemble they have a chance to score some goals. They won't make the playoffs, but don't expect them to be the league's basement team again.


Dallas Stars

Maybe. Great forwards between Benn, Neal, Eriksson, Richards, Ribeiro, and Morrow, and Kari Lehtonen has become a competent goaltender. Nevertheless, I'm not entirely convinced. Their defensive corps is weaker than weak, and they may ship Richards away due to ownership issues. They could make the playoffs if Lehtonen stays healthy and the forwards continue to score, yet they may be betrayed by their goalie's groin issues and their lack of competency in front of the crease.


Phoenix Coyotes

Anyone who doubts Dave Tippett's ability to use a system to make a seemingly subpar roster play extraordinarily either wasn't a fan last season, or was a total idiot. Trust defensive play, trust good goaltending, trust team play, and trust absolutely fantastic coaching.

My Campaign For A Dubinsky-Crosby Battle Royale

In case you haven't seen it, here is Sidney Crosby's alleged slewfoot of Ryan Callahan last night when the two played in New York.



If you're wondering why I say alleged, it's because it's important to maintain a sense of impartiality and fairness before we extradite Crosby back into the state to pay for his heinous crime. There has been a lot of debate over whether this was a slewfoot at all, however, I think there's little debate as to that. It is, unquestionably, a slewfoot. Many have compared it Ovechkin's slewfoot of Rich Peverley last year (which can be seen here), yet I think in many ways this one is worse. Although the Ovechkin's is arguably the more dangerous of the two- one must understand before making a conclusion that the contexts in which each were committed are incredibly different. Ovechkin's is made battling to a puck, and doesn't seem to be malicious. In fact, Ovechkin didn't even intend for his leg to go behind Peverley's- he wanted the puck. Nevertheless, it's unquestionably a penalty, and it was punished with a two minute minor for tripping. Now, a slewfoot is supposed to be punished with a five minute major. However, due to the context, Ovie's star power, and the perceived intent of the play, he did not receive the misconduct.

With that in mind, Crosby's should not have been punished with a misconduct either. It was not an extreme sweeping motion, and he did not utilize his arms a lot. Nevertheless, Crosby's is still, in my opinion, the more dangerous of the two. He and Cally were not battling for a puck, there was no split decision, and there was no high velocity. Crosby intentionally and deliberately kicked out Callahan's feet. Though his intent may not have been to injure (as is evident by his lack of arm movement), it certainly was to take Callahan out of the play illegally, and to cover up that illegal play subsequently. The same lack of arm movement that one can infer intent from, is evidence that Crosby knew exactly what he was doing, and wanted to get away with it. But of course, he got away with it. He's Sidney Crosby- face of the NHL. You can't market a league with a star whose known as whiny, diving, dirty, punk, can you? Crosby is a winner, and a competitor, and I respect him for his long list of achievements.

Although I do so begrudgingly.


I think we can all agree though that the bigger story here is Brandon Dubinsky's response, as well as his general hatred of Sidney the Kidney.





Classic.

In response to Dubinsky's criticism, Crosby essentially accused Dubinsky of possibly being a slightly dirty player, who he thought was fairly intelligent, and who he thus is surprised at because he thought he was smarter than to accuse him of being a dirty whiner. Yet after the last year or two of dialogue between the two, isn't it about time that we organize some sort of cage match or battle royale between the two of them? Here's how it would go down. We would lure Dubinsky into the cage fight by lacing a path from his home to the fight with the scent of Crosby's whining (which I'm assuming we can condense and put into a vial). We would lure Crosby there by leaving a note about how we have kidnapped Evgeni Malkin, and how he must meet us at the location of the fight if he ever wants to have another scorer play for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Once at the fight, Dubinsky immediately tries to strangle Crosby into a coma, but fails after Crosby dives to the floor and immediately beings looking for Eric Godard to come and protect him. Alas, he is not there, as he is assumedly watching John Scott and Derek Boogaard use humans as pieces in their day long chess tournament. Dubi proceeds to beat Crosby to the point where he never plays hockey again- something that the Penguins are heart broken over. Nevertheless, they persevere, move Malkin up to the top line (where he would be on any other team), and they proceed to use Crosby's cap space to sign scorers so that they can get actually have more than two on the roster at any given time. They then continue on to win multiple Stanley Cups due to their superb coaching, excellent defensive corps, above average power play, top notch penalty kill, and balanced scoring depth. Or at least, that's how I imagined it.

In order for this to work, we're almost automatically going to have to launch a letter writing campaign. In fact, just start wearing signs around. That's the best way to garner attention for anything. If you have any ideas as to how to get this to happen, implement them immediately, and make sure you do so without consulting anyone- especially if the ideas seem reckless and, or dangerous to the safety of those around you.

Five 19th-Century Statesmen That Would Make Great Hockey Players

Adding to our line of completely hockey related lists like "Five Things We'd Change About Hockey If We Lived In Ancient Sparta," and "Five Reasons I Should Stop Posting Lists," here are the five statesmen of the nineteenth century who would make great hockey players.

1. Starting Goalie- William McKinley

His selection has less to do with his lightning quick reflexes, and more to do with the fact that he's used to being shot at.

2. Team Enforcer- Preston Brooks

He may not have the use of a cane on the rink, but I'm certain that he'll find creative ways to implement his skates and/or stick in his overreactions to the verbal abuse of others. Hopefully Brooks wouldn't take it as far as to cause neurological damage to somebody over the rhetoric that he employed. But then again, I'd certainly like to see him take a light swing at Mike Komisarek, just for comedic effect

3. Team Penalty Killer- John C. Calhoun

I for one am certain that Calhoun would come up with some brilliant argument as to why the powerplay should not exist due to its detrimental effect on the numerical minority. The chances of this argument actually succeeding are quite miniscule. However, I also think that Calhoun would have the forethought to cover the left face off circle on a Tampa Bay powerplay. Oh how it pains me to further the readership of Justin Bourne.

4. Team's Leading Scorer- Henry Clay

Clay is given the spot not because of his outlandish ability to compromise, but rather his uncanny ability to womanize like no other. According to an incredibly unreliable source from the internet, Clay was rumored to have fathered the entire population of his home state of Kentucky. Now this seems illogical to me, as he was born in Kentucky, and thus obviously could not have fathered its entire population. But then again, who am I to question the inter-web?

5. Team Pest- James Madison

Don't get me wrong, James Madison is not all that annoying. However, he does fulfill a role similar to that of a pest, i.e. he contributes well early on by chipping in offensively and drawing calls (Madison's influence on the writing of the Constitution), but eventually hurts the team miserably by getting tricked into a 4 minute double minor for believing anything Napolean says.

Three Reasons The Isles Should Move To Kansas City

The only thing that's a bigger secret than the New York Islanders' current failings is how this guy manages to keep such an outstanding moustache. They've lost their last thirteen games, they have a first overall pick who has his skating abilities questioned week after week, a first round pick who some expected to lead the league in scoring someday that hasn't even played a game yet due to injury, a mediocre defensive corps, and no real long term solution in goal. With the franchise in dire straits in a market that honestly doesn't really care about them, I really think that relocation is in their best interest. Thus, here are the three reasons that the New York Islanders should move to Kansas City.


1. The Tantalizing Opportunity To Be Named Something Other Than The Islanders

I think we can all agree that there is not team in the NHL with a worse name than the New York Islanders. And I can guarantee you that they will not pull a Los Angeles Lakers and keep their old name when they relocate venues. Here are some possible names I was considering for them:

The Kansas City Could You Please Stop One Puck Ricky?

The Kansas City Konopkas

The Kansas City Hoarders (For all the first round picks they get)

In all seriousness though, it's time to bring back the Kansas City Scouts.


2. The New Arena

It seems like years that Charles Wang has been begging for the undertaking of his LightHouse Project... because it has been. It beats me why he'd ever want to put a hockey team in a light house, but to each his own. Either way Kansas City has an arena that can house them, and there's a serious contingency of people within the city that are clamoring for an NHL team. Unfortunately, there's no clever naming to be done of their potential new home, as its owned by, and named after, Sprint. Then again though, with the way Sprint is bleeding customers, that opportunity could open up real soon.

3. The Franchise Sucks

Let's face it, it has for a long time, and it will for a long time. Unless you're going to fashion your team in the likes of the Phoenix Coyotes or the Nashville Predators, you are not going to win on a budget. And as long as the Isles play on Long Island, they will have to win on a budget. The market just isn't large enough, or enthusiastic enough to sustain a winner. The sweaters are ugly, the arena is ugly, the name is bad, the franchise is run atrociously, the team doesn't win, and they never have any stars. That, my friends, is a recipe for failure. Give the franchise to Kansas City, give them a shot to make it work. I know that many would lament the loss of the Rangers-Isles rivalry, but let's face it- the Rangers' greatest rivals are the Devils. It's been that way for a long time. As a Rangers fan, I can honestly say that I won't miss it too much. I haven't seen a real Islanders team in my time as a serious hockey fan, and I don't think I ever will.

You can reorganize the divisions easily too. Just put the Chiefs in the Central Division, and move the Columbus Blue Jackets to the Eastern Conference. Since they're not an expansion team, there would be no issues with putting them in the difficult Central Division.

Author Writes About Greatness Of Boston Bruins In Hopes Of Getting More Readers

There are quite a few teams in the NHL this season that have demonstrated worthiness of the Cup early on. The Nashville Predators have yet to lose a game in regulation, and have proven that scoring depth means nothing when you play great defense in front of a strong crease. LA has also demonstrated a strong opening effort, even without star defenseman Drew Doughty. Nevertheless, overall there has been an absence of truly dominating teams early on in the season. The Caps have three losses, the Penguins have four, and the Flyers have five. The Devils are frickin' 2-6-1. As it turns out, the best team in the Eastern Conference right now is in fact the Boston Bruins.

Obviously the Bruins were predicted to be a defensively sound team. Even with the departure of Denis Wideman, there was no way that this team was going to be anything other than a defensive powerhouse with Zdeno Chara on the ice and Claude Julien behind the bench. Yet who saw Tim Thomas coming back this season with the same kind of form that won him the Vezina two years ago?
Between Thomas and Rask (who has been disappointing this season with a 3.54 GAA and a .894 save percentage), the B's now have what could potentially be the best goaltending tandem in the NHL.

The offense has been surprisingly productive as well. With Savard and Sturm out, it was expected that the Bruins would continue the mediocre offensive play that they displayed for most of last year's regular season. Yet their goal differential is tied with Pittsburgh's as the NHL's best at +6. Additionally, they're averaging 3 goals a game, a rate that is surpassed only in the East by The Lightning, The Islanders, and The Caps, and is tied with the Pens' average. Nathan Horton has been a revelation, and David Krejci has done an excellent job filling in the for injured Marc Savard. The presence of Milan Lucic on the top line also adds an element of toughness to the team that convinces me that they can rough it through the playoffs. Players like Lucic, Wheeler, and Thornton are important complements to the more offensively oriented players. The offense is deep too. Between Seguin, Recchi, Bergeron, Sturm, Savard, Krejci, Lucic, Horton, and Wheeler, the Bruins have a deep corps of forwards that are all capable of chipping in their 20.

Yet not all is well in Bruin Land. Once Savard and Sturm come back from the long term IR, their cap hits will restart counting on the team's payroll. If Seguin then reaches his bonus incentives, the Bruins would be over the cap...by a lot. Even if he doesn't, they still will be pressed against the cap ceiling incredibly tightly. In the case that the Bruins need to dump salary, or decide to make a mid-season move to push for the Cup, expect Blake Wheeler to be on his way out quickly. He would be a second liner on a lot of team's in the league, and he's a fourth liner on the Bruins getting paid $2.5 million dollars a year. Or, if both Rask and Thomas prove to be good this season, you could see Thomas shipped out to a team in need of a veteran goaltender to push for the cup *cough, Washington, San Jose, cough*.

Sum Up Of The First Two Days

Some really interesting stuff in these first two days of hockey season.

Jordan Eberle's Insane Debut Goal

Not only did the Oilers thump the Flames 4-0, rookie Jordan Eberle had arguably one of the greatest first career NHL goals ever. And that's not hyperbole.





Stars Stun Devils

Loui Eriksson scored 2 as the Stars won in OT 4-3. Dallas showed off an impressive corps of forwards, as expected, yet also featured a surprisingly energetic and effective blue line. Stephane Robidas was the defenseman of the game, blocking a shot with his leg a la Rob Scuderi in the Stanley Cup finals. Kari Lehtonen also surprised many by turning in a 27 save performance while not in a hospital bed or wheel chair of some sort.


Sergei Bobrovsky faces 31- Stops 29

Flyers unknown Sergei Bobrovsky, 22 and of the USSR, turned in a dominant performance over Sid Crosby's Penguins. The Flyers beat the Penguins 3-2 on goals from Blair Betts, Danny Briere, and Claude Giroux. If it had not been for an equipment malfunction, the Penguins would probably have scored one from Goligoski, rather than one from him and another from Tyler Kennedy. Another surprising element of the game- the Pens' blue line. They lacked crispness (surprisingly) and were found turning over the puck in vital areas on the ice throughout the entire sixty minutes.


Maple Leafs Beat Habs

It's not surprising that the Leafs beat them, rather, it's more surprising that this is the first home opener they've won in something like six years. Yeah, so congrats to Dion Phaneuf and the Leafs, it's nice to see an actual product coming out of Toronto.


Thrash Beat Caps

Atlanta beat Caps 4-2 today after a frightening early game moment in which Atlanta Goalie Ondrej Pavelec collapsed on ice. He was carried out an a stretcher and the Atlanta pipes were filled by veteran Chris Mason. Sophomore Evander Kane scored 2, and new addition Fredrik Modin added a tally himself.

Atlanta In Mid-Season Form: 0-5 In Preseason

The Atlanta Thrashers have played exactly five games, and they've won exactly zero of them. Despite the efforts of GM Rick Dudley, formerly of the Chicago Blackhawks' front office, this edition of the Thrash is beginning to look just as underwhelming as previous carnations. Though coming into the season there was no question that this year's team would be of a much lesser offensive wattage then other year's squads, I don't think there are too many people that expected them to be outscored 14-7 in the preseason. So this now beg's the question- what is wrong with the Atlanta Thrashers?

The story seems to be multifaceted. Let's start with what the problem is not- goaltending. Except for the pre-season opener against Columbus, and the second game against the Predators, the Thrashers' goalies have had a save percentage that has hovered around the 93% mark. Clearly, the goaltending is not at fault (except perhaps in the first game against Columbus). Yet that isn't to say that there aren't any problems in the crease situation, because undoubtedly there are, the first and foremost of which is shots faced. The Thrashers are averaging about 30 shots against per game, and only average about 1.4 goals for per game. It doesn't take a math genius to know that that ratio is terrible. The problem seems to be that the offense is weak, and the defense lets up a lot of shots. The solution- take Dustin Byfuglien off of the blue line.

Dustin Byfuglien is a valuable skater that can check well, play solid defense, and provide an invaluable presence in front of the net. He's also lightning fast:


to not utilize him as a forward is an unnecessary handicap to the team's offense. It would be one thing if the Thrashers had a plethora of top six forwards, but they don't. They have 19-year old Evander Kane, 23-year old Niclas Bergfors, 23-year Bryan Little, veteran Nik Antropov, and Rich Peverley. Not exactly world conquerors. Kane will be great, Bergfors will be good, Little can go either way, and Antropov and Peverley are both adequate. However, when a team averages 1.4 goals a game for five games, none of that matters. The Thrashers need Byfuglien as a forward. They have a competent blue line without him. They don't have a competent offense unless he's there.

Three Methods To Improve Your Skating- Hardcore Style

Any self respecting person knows that the most important thing in life is being hardcore. Anybody who realizes this, also realizes that the only real way to spell hardcore is to type it as HARDCORE. As a result, people are always asking me what they can do to improve their skating to the most hardcore. Here are the three answers I usually give them after ripping off my shirt and lighting myself on fire.


1. Kidnap Overbearing Parents

There are no better skating coaches than hovering parents. In no other place can you find as good a mix of guidance and concentrated crazy. Have motivation issues? Well not after you have a week's worth of meals deprived from you and your pillow laced with staph. These parents are usually hard to come by- but I'm sure that you can easily lure one to your abode/mud hut through an ad on Craig's List advertising your services as a vehicle through which to live vicariously. Though I have not tried any myself, I have also heard that classic style hunting traps work especially effectively, especially when featuring any sort of smoked or dried meat product as bait.

2. Increase Your Inspired Grunting While Exercising

Along with appraising antique shoe laces, hoarding toothpaste, and watching videos of people without fingers playing guitar, useless math is one of my favorite activities. I used that useless math to calculate exactly how much grunting increases your hardcore factor when exercising. As it turns out, it increases it a shit load. The art of the grunt, however, is quite difficult to master. To be sure that your grunt will sound as manly and organic as possible, prepare yourself by having friends throw bars of soap at your torso. Nothing toughens you up like soap- just ask Vincent D'Onofrio.

3. Protein Shakes

Now if you're really going to make your skating hardcore, you can't just drink regular protein shakes- these need to be extreme. Try tossing in a egg yolk, or some bull sweat. If you're really going to get your form up, you need strength- and the only way to get strength is through diet. Drink a quart of ram's sperm, ingest an ancient stone from the heart of a Sumerian tomb. After all, things can only improve (unless of course, you become cursed by an ancient god from the heart of Sumer). So go out and shake things up- HARDCORE STYLE (pun intended).


Be sure to tune in over the next week as we post the best ways to transform your fantasy hockey team by picking players solely based on the bad assery of their names.

Free Agent Cave In- Ryan, Neal, And Staal Sign

This week we saw to super stud RFA's get reunited with their teams: Bobby Ryan with the Ducks, and Marc Staal with the Rangers. The Ducks should be very happy, as they got him to go five years. Ryan had originally stipulated that his contract would have to have a ceiling of three years so that his free agency would coincide with the next CBA negotiation, as well as the free agency periods for teammates Corey Perry and Ryan Getzlaf. His deal is worth about $25.5 million dollars, which puts him at about the same level of pay as his two elite caliber teammates. Ryan played for the U.S. olympic team in Vancouver this year, and is generally regarded as a goal scoring stud with tremendous upside.

Another scoring winger caved this week in Dallas forward James Neal. Neal, 24, signed a 2 year deal worth over $5 million dollars. He is just coming off of a 27-28-55 season. The signing now gives Dallas even more scoring depth at left wing, now putting the number up to 17. Though in all seriousness, between Brendan Morrow, Loui Eriksson, Jamie Benn, and James Neal- enough is enough. I'd be more excited about this signing if Dallas weren't already set on offense anyway. I'd also be more excited if the Stars had any semblance of a defensive corps, and a goalie that wasn't made of paper machete and wishful thinking.

And finally, there's Marc Staal. Only 23, yet he is already by far the best Rangers defenseman. Many within the universe of Rangers fandom call him one of the best shutdown guys in the league. Those many are stupid. He's very, very good. However, he is not quite in the top tier just yet. Nevertheless, he will continue his ascent into the upper echelon of defensemen this season as a part of the Rangers' top shutdown pairing. Unlike Ryan and Neal, both of whom got at least one thing they were looking for (Ryan got money, Neal got a short contract), Staal got neither. Staal wanted a shorter deal- something along the lines of three years. The Rangers were wanted to give him five years $25 million dollars, and were essentially willing to pay him anything as long as he signed a longer deal. Somehow, the rangers got him to sign a 5-year $19.875 contract just before the opening of camp. How. did. that. happen? Rangers fans should be thrilled, as they now have their best defenseman on the roster for the next five years, and for an annual cap hit thats only about seven or eight hundred thousand dollars more than Dan Girardi's. I tip my hat, Mr. Sather.

The Week's Run Down- Almost As Good As The Rock's Rundown

It's been five days since the last post, and it has been an eventful five days at that. Here is a quick go through of what you need to know.

Luongo Gives Up Captaincy

Roberto Luongo officially relinquished his role as Captain of the Vancouver Canucks, leading to a lot of speculation over who his successor would be. Many have named either Henrik Sedin or Ryan Kesler as strong front runners to fill the role. My pick? Jeff Tambellini.

Oilers Sign Cogliano To A One-Year Deal

The deal was reportedly worth one million dollars, which is actually less than he made per year in his last contract. Cogliano could center the Oilers' second line, assuming that Shawn Horcoff is still terrible at hockey once camp starts.

Habs To Name Captain

My advice? Take a page out of the Vancouver playbook and make the goalie captain. What better way to make an unpopular player gain standing in the eyes of the fan base? In all seriousness though, I would expect it to be Andrei Markov, as he's the only veteran player there that has been there for more than one year and doesn't suck at his profession.

Thrashers Re-Sign Bergfors, Pick Up Nigel Dawes

Niclas Bergfors, the 23-year old scorer picked up by Atlanta in the Ilya Kovalchuk swap, resigned with the team today. The specifics of the deal were not disclosed. Both players are young wingers with upside, though Bergfors is obviously the more talented player. Dawes is still a great depth player however, and he should contribute third line scoring on a team that is beginning to look more and more balanced as the off season progresses. My hat is tipped to you, Mr. Dudley.


Devils Get Penalized For Circumventing The Cap

They got fined $3 million dollars, and will have to give up a 2011 third rounder, and a first rounder in one of the next four rounds. Luckily for the Devils, they get to choose which year they give up the first rounder. However, that's also a bad thing, because no one in the Devils' universe seems to realize the imminent collapse that the roster is headed for, and by the time the Devs actually get there, they will not be able to defer to another year to lose the pick.

Finally, I leave you with this hilarious video in which a pundit says that he thinks Antti Niemi will win the Vezina, and is not in fact joking. Enjoy.

http://video.thehockeynews.com/mediadetail/3201089

Five Movies That Would Be Better If They Were About Hockey

Here are five films that we think would be better if they were about hockey.

1. Eat Pray Glove

It's about a goalie who feels unappreciated after his goalie coach parts for the greener pastures of tending to Kari Lehtonen's back.
To learn to love himself, he travels to Italy, India, and Bali- having innumerable love affairs with various men, prayer books, and bowls of pasta along the way. On a scale of 1 to Jonathan Toews, we'd give this movie an Olli Jokinen.


2. Contract

Remember that movie "Contact"? It's the same plot- except the aliens decide to destroy us after contract negotiations stall and the fear of another lockout at the next CBA re-negotiation finally gets to them. On a scale of 1 to Steven Stamkos, we'd give it a Matt Cooke.


3. The Good, The Pad, And The Ugly

A mystical goalie (based on, depicted by, and named Ryan Miller) makes his way through the Wild West- laying down the law with his six shooter. He hides and protects himself behind a pair of leg pads blessed by the hockey gods themselves. However, the audience will undoubtedly be disappointed when they find out that the movie ends after five minutes due to Miller's inability to trek through the west on ice skates. On a scale of 1 to Marian Gaborik, we give this one an Aaron Asham failing miserably.


4. The Skate-Trix

In honor of the Matrix franchise on which this spin off is based, The Skate-Trix will be an outstanding feature film followed by two shockingly disappointing sequels. It would start with classic moments in hockey history played in slow motion (also known as the last NHL Playoff ad campaign), yet would end with a two hour loop of Vesa Toskala getting shat on. On a scale of 1 to Ilya Bryzgalov this one's a David Booth Getting Hit By Mike Richards.


5. The Great Dic-Skater

This one is just a mistake. The movie will remain the same as Charlie Chaplin's classic, however it will be depicted on ice. Still, fans will undoubtedly disappointed as 80% of the audience will undoubtedly be some sort of fetishists- y'know, considering the title. On a scale of 1 to Zach Parise this one's going to be a Canucks Green Men.

Swiss Kid Scores Goal- Is Great At Soccer, Still Sucks At Hockey

This is a seriously cool video from a Swiss youth league.



The kid's European upbringing may have taken over, but it's still a pretty cool goal. After all, soccer isn't the worst sport to confuse hockey with- just ask anyone who plays baseball, or is Keith Ballard



Always hilarious.

Signings Galore- Stewart To Avs, Price To Habs, Comrie To Pens

The Colorado Avalanche re-signed leading team goal scorer Chris Stewart to a 2-year deal yesterday, locking up yet another young forward into the Colorado arsenal. Many projections peg Stewart as a 70-point guy this upcoming season, which seems right considering he had 28-36-64 last season, and considering he will be playing with Paul Stastny. In other news, RFA Carey Price of the Montreal Canadiens (also known as "Not Jaroslav Halak") signed a 2-year deal worth $5.5 million dollars. The cap hit is less than what Halak's is with the Blues, so hopefully that's comforting to those loyal to Montreal, if not only comforting to the organization's bottom line. Price has stated publicly that he's looking to rebound from a disappointing 09-10 season, but I'm not too confident that he'll be able to. Though I'm sure fans will see more effort from him at the start of the season, I think that a weak defensive corps will leave Price vulnerable. These vulnerabilities will be exploited, and the impatient fan base that already dislikes him will take the opportunity to jump on his back about it and never get off. So Montreal fans, if you want Price to be as great as you used to think he could be, be patient. As paradoxical as it might seem, the only way for you to meet those expectations is for you to let go of them.

Perhaps the most interesting signing though, was today's pick up by the Pittsburgh Penguins. They signed forward Mike Comrie, who recently married Hilary Duff, to a one year deal worth $500,000 dollars. The deal is a step down from the million or so dollars he made with Edmonton, but whose counting? Well I am, he made four million with the Islanders. Either way, the point is he's not. He's married to Hilary Duff, and his father is worth $500 million dollars (founded Canadian retail store The Brick), so he's not thinking too hard about his finances. What he is thinking hard about is the fact that he's going to get a chance to play with the league's best center. Though Crosby's been known to have trouble building chemistry with most linemates, I expect good things out of this duo. Comrie's a veteran player who knows his way around the rink pretty well. He's got a good hockey sense, and his hands are far from the worst in the league. After all, look at who Crosby's had to work with: Colby Armstrong, whose just a terrible offensive hockey player, Chris Kunitz, whose never exactly been a scoring stud either, and Bill Guerin, who had 21 goals last year at 39. I think that a player like Comrie, who knows that his future with the team is dependent on his ability to mesh with Geno or Crosby, will definitely be able to net at least 20 next season. Not that it matters, let's remember here folks, he is married to Hilary Duff. I don't think this guy ever needs to worry about anything again.

Five Things To Expect From Habs Fans When Halak Comes Back To Town

Jaroslav Halak is scheduled to return to Montreal this saturday to do some fund raising for Saku Koivu's charity. I'm sure this excites the hearts (and the loins) of many Canadiens fans, perhaps to the point of near hysteria. In honor of the return Jaroslav Halak, expert puck stopper and intense stare giver, here are the five things to expect from Habs fans as the Client makes his way through the city.


1. Unceremonious Weeping

As opposed to ceremonious weeping, which usually involves some kind of announcement and pre-planned ornate venue, this weeping will be sudden and absolutely understandable. Fans will cry at the departure of their playoff hero, at the fact that Carey Price still has a job in Montreal, and the fact that original Law and Order was cancelled. We kid of course (just about the Law and Order thing). People will cry. Trust me. Don't be surprised if even non crying fans begin bawling once they touch him. He's so great, they'll probably start crying out of the part of their bodies where he touched them.

2. Burning

Everything will be on fire. Everything. Not necessarily out of anger though. Fire's just kind of Montreal's thing- who else riots after a first round playoff series win?

3. An Intricate Plot To Kidnap Halak And Keep Him In Montreal

Don't worry, there won't be any guns. Not only would they never hurt Jaro, but they're from Montreal, which means they suck at 98% of activities that aren't complaining in French, playing effeminate entrance songs for their sports teams, smoking heavily, and being disliked by the rest of Canada. Not that it would matter if they had guns or not. Halak could stop a bullet. Seriously.

4. Requests For Signed Babies

A baby is now the third trendiest thing to have signed by athletes and celebrities, following calf muscles and ziploc bags of human fat (you're welcome for that image). There have already been rumors of Montreal "women" building catapults to launch their babies at the playoff idol. Obviously, a cannon would be much more effective as a baby flinger, but don't blame the Montreal inhabitants for their choice of catapult- they don't have the technology to build anything ballistic. What's lucky for the mothers is that those autographs will last for years to come, due to the lack of bathing and general hygiene within the city limits.

5. Disappointed Realizations That Even With Halak The Habs Would Still Suck

I like the Canadiens, but they suck. They have one defenseman under the age of thirty, have four players that would be considered top six skaters, and have a GM who I'm fairly certain is working to destroy the franchise piece by piece. Even if Halak were there, the defensive corps is putrid, and the bright spots in the organization are few and far between. Habs fans, I understand your sadness over the loss of your beloved goalie. May you take solace in the fact that you're a washed up franchise anyway, and would undoubtedly suck whether Halak were there or not.

Many Vets Can't Find NHL Homes-Can't Find Places To Play Bridge

This has been an enormously tough offseason for anyone over the age of thirty with some gas left in the tank. As teams are hit by cap crunch and unfavorable economic circumstances, we have seen more and more organizations turn to their youth to fill in the gaps. Old reliables such as Bill Guerin and Owen Nolan are both without contracts, and younger veterans like Mike Comrie and Ruslan Fedotenko have also been left out in the cold in favor of younger talent. From an organizational standpoint, this makes sense for teams that are not quite in the top tier, or are in the process of rebuilding.

However, for teams that just need an extra push to get over that playoff hump, the worst thing to do is ignore veterans. Yes, they spit up on themselves both on and off the ice. Yes, they play bridge. Yes, they will probably not like your new boyfriend or girlfriend and will most likely embarrass you in front of them at family dinner by making obscene and/or racist comments. Yet they'll also give you the intangibles needed to finally get your team to the promised land.

Veterans provide teams with stable and wise presences in the locker room. They are unfazed by the tumultuous nature of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. They have enough skill to get it done, and have more hockey sense and experience than anyone else on the roster.

For proof, just look at Chicago. Chicago undoubtedly has one of the best young cores in the game. In fact, their captain was the second youngest captain to ever hoist the Cup. If one looks at their roster last season, one sees a group of talented young forwards that had more than enough skill to win the whole thing. However, one also sees something else- a plethora of seasoned veterans. In the offseason Chicago brought in the likes of Marian Hossa and John Madden, guys who had been to the Finals many times before, and could provide the kind of skill and wisdom that is so valuable in veteran players. Though it is the young core that won them the Cup, you can be sure that it was the veteran support players that allowed them to do so.

So please Rangers, Thrashers, Leafs, and Blue Jackets, keep going on ahead with your talent development. All of you are god awful teams in desperate need of youth movements (stick tap to the Thrash though, on their incredible off season, they're really heading in the right direction now). But for you teams in need of that extra offensive push *cough* LA Kings *cough* don't over look guys like Billy Guerin or Mike Comrie, because they can be enough to push you over that edge if your core is ready.

Niemi To Be A Shark-Plans To Give Tinfoil Hat To GM As Thanks

Earlier this off season, an arbitrator rewarded Blackhawks goalie Antii Niemi with a one year contract worth 2.75 million dollars. The Blackhawks, not being the stupidest athletic organization to walk the earth, walked away from said deal and replaced the Finn with veteran net-minder Marty Turco. Despite this substitution (or as some would call it, this upgrade), Chicago did offer the Stanley Cup winning back-stopper a short term deal worth about two million dollars. However Niemi, proving himself to be one of the stupidest athletes to walk the earth, turned down this deal with the conviction that he would earn more on the free agent market...the same free agent market that is leaving dozens of able NHL players without jobs for the upcoming season.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and here we are: amidst reports that Niemi is signing a short term deal worth about two million dollars with The San Jose Sharks. For Niemi it makes sense, as he will play on a team that will compete with best in the west for a chance to make it into the Stanley Cup Finals. Of course, since it's the Sharks we're talking about, you can be sure that that competition will in fact turn into a race between them and The Canucks over who can exit the playoffs faster and more disappointingly. Yet you have to wonder what Niemi was thinking leaving Chicago in the first place. Though cap crunched, you can be sure that Chicago will always compete as long as they have Toews, Sharp, Kane, Hossa, Keith, Seabrook, and Campbell. Additionally, anyone looking at the free agent market for goalies this off season saw that teams were looking for cheap alternatives to the big ticket names available. Niemi wasn't going to get a big payday in this market, even if his stock hadn't fallen during the playoffs. So why would he leave?

He left because he was greedy, he wanted money, and being Finnish, I'm sure money is the only thing that can insulate the walls of his ice hut. Still, you have to wonder who's crazier- Niemi for leaving, Doug Wilson for signing him, or me for posting such a disrespectful depiction of the Finnish people on this fine website. The answer is not me, by the way. Doug Wilson had indicated that veteran Antero "Niitty, Make Me A Sandwich" Niittymaki, and youngster Thomas Greiss would round out a goaltending tandem that would "allow them to compete for a Cup". So why is Niemi being brought in? Does Wilson have a mediocrity fetish in addition to his well documented foot fetish? Who knows? Not me, the guy who forged all the documents highlighting his non existent foot fetish. No one can say what reasoning there is behind this move. I suppose they're hoping that Niemi and Niittymaki can push each other competitively, thus creating some sort of duo that will perform far above its ability. Either way, it's going to be a rough year in San Jose now that Rob Blake and Nabby are gone, that's for sure.

Oilers, Coyotes Sign Top Six Forwards Gagner, Stempniak [Insert Giggle]

Sam Gagner, the 6th overall pick formerly pegged as the franchise savior of the Edmonton Oilers, signed a two year deal yesterday worth 4.55 million dollars. Now you may be wondering, "isn't that a little much to be paying a guy who has scored 41 points in each of his last two season, and scored 46 the season before that, and is a career minus player?" The answer is yes. Nevertheless, it's a smart move on both sides of the contract. From the organization's perspective, the term is short enough that they escaped with a very manageable cap hit. Considering what Gagner could still become, 2.25 million dollars a season is a steal. From Gagner's perspective, the contract doesn't cut into the prime of his career, meaning that he can potentially spin this tenure into a multi-year deal fro more money on a greater array of teams. Gagner will most likely center the first line this year, with Andrew Cogliano (also an RFA this offseason) most likely filling in the number two spot. If he does in fact receive first line minutes, I'd peg Gagner for a season with about 55-62 points. Still, even that may be a stretch considering the unit around him. Though super studs Jordan Eberle and Taylor hall come into the picture this year, there just isn't enough firepower in the top six to get to that point projection. Nonetheless, if Gagner gets a season feeding Dustin Penner (assuming he can climb over the 25 goal mark), then it's easily a possibility.

Stempniak on the other hand, is a much more interesting case. The terms of his deal have not been disclosed, much to the chagrin of anyone paying attention to the enigmatic case of Mr. Stempniak. The former Leafs forward netted 14 goals in 62 games during his time in Toronto last season, after which he was subsequently moved to Phoenix at the trade deadline. Upon his arrival in the sunbelt, he proceeded to then score another 14 goals...in 18 games. Thus, the question must be begged, who did the Coyotes pay for: the Stempniak that lit up the last 18 games of the season, or the Stempniak that is a career third liner that doesn't put the puck in the net when it counts? My guess is they paid for a combination of the two. They brought him there for the express purpose of having him produce offense. Thus, I believe they will pay him like a sniper, rather than a checker who can score. However, he also had a horrendous playoffs, which would give the Coyotes an excuse to shave some cash off of the deal. Additionally, this has been an incredibly tough off season for free agents. As teams have been crushed by cap crunch, we have seen an incredible drop off in the number of big money contracts that go off (the economic climate doesn't help either). Consequently, Stempniak probably wasn't payed as much as Mr. 14 Goals in 18 Games, but was payed more than Mr. Toronto.

Alas, none of this really matters, because neither team is winning the Cup. Unless of course Phoenix managed to somehow turn Derek Morris into Zbynek Michalek, and the Oilers managed to change their entire roster.

Pual Kariya To Miss Season Due To Concussions

It looks like aging veteran wingers just can't seem to catch a break these days. Just a few days after the Pittsburgh Penguins told Bill Guerin that he would not be re-signed, Paul Kariya is now the next seasoned scorer that will miss out on a season of action. Kariya, who played for the Blues last season, was diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome, and will thus miss out on the 2010 -2011 regular season. He missed six games in January last season due to a concussion, and also missed the 1998 Olympics due to a concussion. However, it seems strange that he's only now being diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome, considering said concussion took place eight months ago.

This will be especially disappointing to Anaheim fans who were hoping to see Paul Kariya and Teemue Selanne reunited on the Ducks one last time. After all, if your team is about to go into rebuild mode and needs to be revamped to become competitive, nothing makes more sense then taking up a roster spot with a player who's past his prime. Speaking of old players who suck, Clarke MacArthur signed a one year deal with the Toronto Maple Leafs. Apparently, the leafs offseason philosophy this year is "Let's get as many fifteen goal scorers as possible at the cost of filling out our top six". Good work, Mr. Burke.

Khabibulin Found Guilty On DUI- Dashes Oilers' Cup Hopes

The nursery on ice known as the Edmonton Oilers just lost their drunken, ailing care taker. 219-year old goalie Nikolai Khabibulin, who recently signed a four-year deal worth five million dollars, was arrested on DUI charges after being pulled over in his Ferrari (yes, hockey players can afford Ferraris) earlier last season. Today, he was convicted on those same charges in an Arizona court. Though he will undoubtedly miss out on the upcoming season (his charge usually carries a six month jail sentence), this conviction could still turn out to be incredibly convenient for the Edmonton front office. In the NHL, under the new Collective Bargaining Agreement, contracts for players over the age of thirty five count against the salary cap even after retirement. As a result, The Bulin Wall's contract would not be wiped off the books for another three years, regardless of playing status. However, his contract contains what we'll call "a moral clause". A moral clause essentially says that if a player fails to render their services due to one's moral decisions, then the contract is void and taken off of the books. Historically, they're impossible to enforce. Nevertheless, if Khabibulin misses games due to his imprisonment, then he'll undoubtedly be cut from the team (as will his contract and cap hit).

That leaves the dynamic duo of Devan Dubnyk and Jeff Deslauriers to man the pipes for the time being. If Nikky's cap hit is nullified, then there is a possibility that Edmonton could pursue one of the many goaltenders on the market available for dirt cheap. Antii Niemi and Jose Theodore are the first to come to mind, however I'm sure there are many other subpar starters looking for work in the league. Of the two Oilers net-minders, I like Dubnyk to start over Deslauriers easily. Dubnyk has some semblance of talent, and many in Edmonton like his potential upside. Deslauriers, on the other hand, is a scrub. I once watched him play for the Oil, and I'm almost 95% certain that I saw him try to eat a grilled cheese sandwich while playing. An associate of mine says that that statement is blatantly false, yet he testifies that he saw him shopping for furniture out of a catalog while Edmonton was on the power play.

5 Things Better To Watch Than Toronto Maple Leafs

If you ask anyone who has any semblance of hockey knowledge, they'll tell you that the Leafs are not the worst team in the NHL. They're not even the worst team in the East. However, that doesn't mean we shouldn't make fun of them like they're the worst team to ever grace the National Hockey League. After all, who enjoys making fun of a team with serious financial woes, and a streak of non playoff seasons that stretches more than a decade (I feel for you, Panthers fans). The Leafs are the most valuable franchise in the NHL- they'd be made fun of even if they were winning. The fact that half of their team is under the impression that they play professional rugby is just icing on the cake. So, here are the five things better to watch than the Toronto Maple Leafs.


1. The pain on Leafs fans' faces after Dion Phaneuf mistakes Tyler Bozak for Sean Avery and tears him in half.


2. Eat Pray Love

I hear Julia Roberts has mad dangles- just saying. Besides, nothing says "better than the Leafs" better than 4.7 on IMDB.

3. Elisha Cuthbert

Just ask Dion Phaneuf.

4. Every other NHL team ever.

That includes all Hartford Whalers teams. Seriously. (They had about a bajillion losing seasons in their existence, for you casual fans).

5. This. Because this is the weirdest, greatest thing, I have ever seen on the internet.

Writer Likes Run On Sentences- Discovers That Is Not A Good Headline

In other news, Patric Hornqvist (thirty goal scoring RFA of the Nashville Predators) signed a three year deal worth about nine million dollars this week, and the Canucks added depth forward Raffi "No I Won't Sing You Baby Beluga, I'm Not That Raffi" Torres to a one year deal. Torres, known as a solid playoff performer in Columbus, is also known for being an utter flop in Buffalo. Vancouver signed him to about one million dollars, which was logical considering that he's always injured, that he could have been gotten for cheaper considering his time in Buffalo, and that the Canucks are already 3 million dollars over the cap. It's no wonder THN has them pegged to win the Western Conference and the Cup when making decisions like those!

On another note, Jordan Staal is going to have his foot examined, I'm assuming by government scientists. Unlocking the secrets to a biological tank such as Jordan Staal would undoubtedly provide the government with a wealth of resources. Who wouldn't want to see a giant walking Mecha of Jordan Staal that can fire missiles at a building and then hip check it to the ground. We now leave you with this amazing pic of Bobby Orr with Andre the Giant. Great Stuff.

Lightning Re-Sign Downie, Simon Gagne Gets Sad

Who was the best line in the NHL last season? Heately-Thornton-Marleau? Byfuglien-Toews-Kane? Ovechkin-Backstrom-Semin? If you answered St. Louis-Stamkos-Downie, you selected an answer that was not available for selection, and you should learn how to read. As we all know, Steven Stamkos is a monster. Children are afraid that he's hiding under their respective beds, waiting to rip a slap shot past their glove sides. Martin St. Louis is a gentleman, which is also commonly known. The man plays with so much class that it's rumored that he emits the smell of aged scotch every time you slam him into the boards. He too, is a monster. Steve Downie on the other hand, is not a monster. Yes, he is someone who you should be afraid to have under your bed. But he is not a great hockey player. Though he is a great middle six forward who can provide a lot of grit and physicality to a team, he is no top six forward. The guy had never played a full season in the NHL before this season, and even while playing top line minutes, he only managed 46 points while playing with some of the best line mates in the league.

With the introduction of Simon Gagne, one would assume that this would mean second line for the young forward, who was one of the first forwards in about ten years to top 20 goals and 200 PIM's. Yet it doesn't. With Gagne's health problems, and with Vinny LeCavalier's incessant loneliness on the second line, you can be sure that coach Guy Boucher will be spreading the offense between the top two lines. Thus, expect to see a St. Louis-Stamkos tandem dominate the first line, and a Vinny-Gagne tandem take over the second. All four forwards will see lots of power play time, which will be especially productive with the addition of blue liner Pavel Kubina. An older Victor Hedman sure doesn't hurt either though. So congratulations to Steve Downie, former first round flop who has found a home in Tampa Bay, playing with one of the best centers in the world.

Willie Mitchell Goes To Kings

It was no secret that the LA Kings were looking for a physical veteran to man the helm in Hollywood this offseason, and it seems that the Crowns have found their man in former Canucks punching bag, I mean defenseman, Willie Mitchell. It was rumored that the San Jose Sharks, Washington Capitals, and Vancouver Canucks were all in the running for his services. Nevertheless, it seems that he thought that LA was the best place to win the Cup in the immediate now that he's signed a two year deal with a 3.5 million dollar annual cap hit. It's a great pick up for LA, whose top four is now rounded out by super-stud Drew Doughty, youngster Jack Johnson, playoff hero Rob Scuderi, and Willie Mitchell.

Yet one must wonder if it's the best place for Mitchell to be. The Caps are regular season juggernauts, and he would have been an outstanding addition to a defensive corps that needs someone who can actually play defense, unlike Mike Green. Though they have been known to struggle in the playoffs, his presence there would perhaps have added the kind of grit and defensive prowess necessary to win the whole thing. It's the same story with the Sharks, who need a defenseman to fill in the spot vacated by recently retired captain Rob Blake. Both teams are sure-fire contenders for Lord Stanley's Crunk Goblet, as Lil Jon likes to call it, yet he chose LA. Don't get me wrong, they will win the Cup someday as long as they have the likes of Doughty, Kopitar, Bernier, Quick, Johnson, Brown, and Simmonds there. Still, one would be hard pressed to find somebody that has LA pegged to win it all after losing out on Alex Frolov and Kovie, and replacing him with Alexei Ponikarovsky, winger to the stars.

What We Missed- August Edition

For all of you avid readers out there, I'd like to apologize for missing yet another extended period of time. And that apology is sincere, and I hope all three of you reading this accept it wholeheartedly. Anyway, let's go through what's been going on in the hockey world since our last post.

Kovalchuk Contract Rejected

To the surprise of many, arbitrator (turned bribe acceptor) Richard Bloch ruled in favor of the NHL in the rejection of Kovalchuk's contract. Those familiar with the case said that the NHL hadn't a leg to stand on, y'know, considering the total and utter lack of concrete evidence proving intent. Nevertheless, they came out victorious in the end, taking the proverbial paddle to the supple, smooth proverbial bottom of the NHLPA. Thus, he is now a free agent. It would seem that LA would now have a second chance to sign the winger, and would now be on an equal plane with the Devils in terms of financial ability... too bad they already signed Alexei Ponikarovsky... He'll probably end up re-signing with Devils, as the Kings need a defenseman more than Kovalchuk, and really need to re-sign Drew Doughty next year.

Tomas Kaberle and Marc Savard Didn't Get Moved

The Bruins are in cap hell, as they are three million dollars over the cap without taking into account Seguin's salary and bonuses. Rumor has it that they were going to move Marc Savard, yet that's starting to look less and less likely. Despite a high volume of interest for an aging center with concussion problems and a seven year contract, they B's are more likely just to bury Michael Ryder in the minors. Tomas Kaberle on the other hand, is actually worth a damn. However, Burke clearly didn't receive an offer that was anywhere near good enough, and thus Kaberle will have another good season on a basement team, and maybe Burke will move him at the trade deadline to a team like the Kings or Sharks.

Mike Modano Signed With The Red Wings

With Modano in the fold, Detroit now has eight players on the roster over the age of thirty five. Following the announcement of the agreement, it is rumored that organization received multiple sponsorship offers from the likes of AARP, The Association For Bad Driving, and prunes.

Teemu Selanne Signs Back With Ducks

Considering the numbers he put up last season in the limited number of games he played, I'd say it's a good move.

That's about it, look forward to more posts with some greater depth soon, and if you want to write for the site, be sure to email us at heathenhockey@gmail.com

Battle of the Wingers: Frolov vs. Ponikarovsky

As all of you who have been on the website in the last three days know, the Rangers signed forward Alexander Frolov yesterday to a three million dollar contract with a term of one year. The Kings immediately followed that up by signing former Maple Leaf Alexei Ponikarovsky, who played for the Penguins last season after being traded there from the Leafs at the trade deadline. Since both teams signed these players that will play the same positions on their respective teams, (Ponikarovsky replacing Frolov’s spot on the Kings), and since both teams signed these players to the same exact contract, it begs the question, which team came out better?

Firstly, let’s discuss Frolov. Although he had what was considered an off -year by many, he still managed to score 51 points last season, which is better than Ponikarovsky’s 50 point season, which was the second best of Ponikarovsky’s career. Frolov has a great scoring touch. In fact, in every year since his rookie season with the Kings in 2002/2003 he has been top 5 on the team in scoring, and 3 times has led the team in goals. He has had two 30 goal seasons, including his best year in 2006/2007 when he had 35 goals and 71 points. The downside to Frolov is that in the past three his point total has consistently dropped, going from 71 in 2006/2007 to 51 this past season.

Alexei Ponikarovsky, on the other hand, hasn’t nearly scored as many points as Frolov has, but has had his best two seasons the last two seasons. He has played for Toronto every year of his career except part of last year when he was traded to the Penguins for 16 games. His numbers have been all over the place, but he is consistently a low 20s high teens goal scorer, with his career high being 23. Besides his career year in 2008-2009 when he scored 61 points, second on the Leafs, the highest he’s been on the team’s scoring list is 5th.

To me, I think it’s clear that Frolov is a better player than Ponikarovsky. He has scored more points than him every year except 2008/2009 when Ponikarovsky had the best year of his career. He is a more potent goal scorer than Ponikarovsky is, and is infinitely more exciting to watch. Nevertheless, many would argue that Ponikarovsky is playing the best hockey of his career, while Frolov has recently declined, and thus The Pony Express is a safer investment. Regardless, even with the poor season he had last year, as I pointed out earlier, Frolov still had a better season than Ponikarovsky’s career average. Another thing to take into consideration when looking at which team came out with the upper hand, are the roles each of these players were to fill. The Kings first goal this off-season was to sign Ilya Kovalchuk. Obviously, they failed at doing that. Frolov was their second choice, and they failed to sign him too. Therefore they had to settle for Panikarovsky, who is less of a player than either of those two. Though Frolov isn’t a superstar, he was exactly what the Rangers were looking for: a legitimate winger to aid superstar Marion Gaborik on the first line. His style of play is crease-oriented, and he protects the puck very effectively with his 6-2 204 pound frame- both of which are things that the Blueshirts desperately lacked last season. Yes, he takes a potential roster spot away from a prospect looking to crack the big club, however, he also adds a willingness to get to the dirty areas and use the body to score goals, and there’s something to be said for that. Thus, it would seem that the Rangers got the better deal between these two players, but as all Ranger fans know, when Sather is involved, literally anything can happen (cough, Scott Gomez, Chris Drury, Wade Redden, Michal Rozsival, Ales Kotalik, etc.)

Frolov Now Signed- What Does It Mean For The Youth Movement?

The Rangers agreed to a one-year three million dollar deal with Russian forward Alexander Frolov today. Frolov is a two time thirty goal scorer, however he saw his number slip this last season in Los Angeles, thus allowing the Rangers to sign him for a very affordable price. He will undoubtedly be put on the club's top line with star right winger Marian Gaborik, who had 42 goals last season. Frolov adds another dimension to the team's anemic offense, and will either allow Gaborik to score by drawing attention away from him, or will score himself due to the defensive pressure applied to Gaborik. Though the signing is a very intelligent one, from both a personnel stand point, and a fiscal perspective, his presence raises a multitude of questions.

Firstly, how does his acquisition affect the chances of prospects like Evgeny Grachev and Dane Byers to come up to the big club? The Rangers currently have four left wingers in Brandon Prust, Derek Boogaard, Sean Avery, and Alexander Frolov. Additionally, they also have three players in Vinny Prospal, Brandon Dubinsky, and Erik Christensen who can play either center or left wing. They also have centers in Chris Drury, Brian Boyle, and Artem Anisimov, and right wingers in Marian Gaborik, and Ryan Callahan. Now Boogaard won't be playing every game, so that could leave space for a player like Dane Byers or Brodie Dupont to come up and have a good number of games on the big club roster. That leaves twelve roster spots and twelve forwards to fill them (thirteen if you have a prospect take Boogaard's scratch games).

Still, there are roughly 614 prospects who are NHL ready in the system and want to take a crack at the roster this summer in camp. Derek Stepan, Evgeny Grachev, Mats Zuccarello Aasen, Dale Weise, Dane Byers, and Brodie Dupont, all want a crack at the roster this year. To make matters worse, coming through the pipeline are players like Christian Thomas, Ethan Werek, Chris Kreider, and Ryan Buorque, all of whom should be good players in the league. That means there's almost an entire roster worth of prospects who are NHL bound, and approximately -7 roster spots for them. Now if the Rangers are to truly develop into a competitor, then they must make room for their younger players to get time on NHL ice. I personally would move Brian Boyle down to the minors to make room for Stepan, and maybe move Drury to make room for Weise, and to free up cap space. Although I would trade Drury, not demote him- he's been a hard working captain and an all around good guy who doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. Still, his production is not worth his cap hit, and he should be moved to make way for the youngsters. Though that leaves the Rangers very young at the pivot, they still have a veteran in Vinny Prospal. I would then bring up a thirteenth forward to take over Boogaard's scratch games. Grachev is the best prospect at left wing, but he's young and another year in the AHL wouldn't hurt. A guy like Byers or Dupont, on the other hand, are aging and need to get out of the minors before it's too late. Besides, their style of play (especially Byers') is a lot more conducive to fourth line time than Grachev's. Putting Gravhev on a fourth line would not help him develop, he's going to be top six guy, and he needs to be in a role where he can try and score.

Thus, here are what the lines will probably look like for next season.

Frolov- Prospal/Christensen- Gaborik

Christensen/Prospal-Dubinsky-Callahan

Sean Avery- Artem Anisimov-Brandon Prust

Derek Boogaard/Dane Byers- Chris Drury- Brian Boyle


To be completely honest, I hate these lines. I like the addition of Frolov, however these lines are not winners, the bottom six are just a hodgepodge of assorted players who happened to be on the team's roster.

Here's what I would have the lines be:

Frolov- Christensen- Gaborik

Dubinsky - Prospal- Ryan Callahan

Dane Byers- Artem Anisimov- Brandon Prust

Evgeny Grachev- Derek Stepan- Sean Avery

I would be sure to give the third line and fourth line equal time. Yes I know that I have to think about Boogaard, but I doubt he'll really be playing that many games this season, considering Tortorella doesn't even know what an enforcer is. Stepan and Grachev need to be on the same line together- they click so well, and they will most likely be on the team's top line together someday. Byers will replace Shelley on the killer line from last year that featured Anisimov and Prust. Both lines feature young talent in need of development, and thus both of them must see equal amounts of ice time. Still, these are lines that can provide offense, they aren't just pluggers, and therefore Torts should want these guys out on the ice, even if just for the sake of development.

In this scenario Drury gets traded to a team with a lot of cap space, either the Isles, the Thrash, the Oilers, or one of the other many teams with adequate cap space. Boyle, on the other hand, will be demoted. It's a shame because he has size and I think he could be good if he figured out how to utilize it, however, the youth movement can't be stalled on behalf of one minimum wage plugger. Will the Rangers be competing for the Cup this season? No. Are they on the right track? Absolutely. And the additions of Frolov and some of the youngsters will make this a very worthwhile season, no matter what.

In A World Where The NBA And NFL Both Have A Lockout...

There is not a single American hockey fan who feels as though their sport receives a fair amount of respect and attention. In fact, there is not a single American hockey fan- just a handful of ice enthusiasts who enjoy watching men hold wood. Yet that could all change in the not too distant future. According to...well just about everybody, the NFL is headed to a lockout next season, and the NBA may end up following suit. Though that would be a terrible year for American sports fans (including hockey fans, football is great), it could prove to be a great year for the NHL. With no other leagues to compete with in the winter, the NHL would be the only sport that fans could see games of. Something like this would be huge for the league, and huge for the game itself. Imagine a day in the future where fans list the biggest playoff chokers in sports, and actually name Joe Thornton. That's huge.

The prospect is made especially exciting due to the fact that rumors are being spread that ESPN and ABC are interested in putting the NHL back on their networks the year after this lockout would allegedly take place. This could turn into a perfect storm for the NHL, and for the game of hockey itself. There could foreseeably be a year where the only things on Sportscenter are hockey, and lockout news. The NHL would presumably achieve some of its highest ratings ever- and that's especially useful going into contract negotiations. NHL ratings have been climbing since the first Pens-Wings Cup, and not just in the playoffs. The final month of the regular season saw a 25% jump in ratings for NHL games, and NBC was up 10% from the year before. These statistics, coupled with the NFL/NBA lockout year, would undoubtedly result in a lucrative TV contract for the league, whether it be on ESPN or VS (although let's be honest here, they'll take ESPN if they have the option).

Frolov Reportedly Headed To NYR

Rumors have been whirling all day that Alexander Frolov of the Los Angeles Kings is close to signing a contract with the New York Rangers. Now, it seems almost official, according to his agent. Frolov, a two time thirty goal scorer, is reportedly close to signing a one year deal with the Blueshirts. There has been a lot of speculation about Frolov's true market worth after his performance this last season in LA, however, he is nonetheless a solid offensive player who could be a wise investment- as long as a team doesn't spend too much.

Yet even Frolov's agent acknowledges that his market value has diminished drastically, and thus one can only assume that whatever agreement comes to fruition between the two parties would be for a reasonable sum. The move could turn to be quite an intelligent one if Frolov rediscovers his sniping touch in New York. Gaborik, the Rangers' star forward, is in desperate need of another scorer to take some pressure off of him in the offensive zone. Despite this added pressure of relieving defensive attention from Gaborik, this situation should turn out to be quite beneficial for Frolov. Now that he is no longer the go to guy, he may find his touch more easily.

Either way, if he is signed for a manageable cap hit, and can rediscover his scoring touch, then he will be a wise acquisition for the Blueshirts. Besides, even if he does not mesh with the team, he will only be signed for one year, which means that potential risk is the lowest it can be in this scenario, and the potential benefits from the signing would be considered enormous returns on a relatively small investment. Still, knowing Sather, I wouldn't be shocked to see a cap hit that's a little bit more than anyone (including Frolov) was anticipating.

NHLPA Files Grievance- Tapes Shiv To The Back Of Its Thigh

It's official, the NHLPA has filed a grievance on behalf of Ilya Kovalchuk in order to protest the rejection of his seventeen year, 102 million dollar deal. Though they said in a statement that they hope the matter can be resolved quickly, everyone around the league knows that the Players' Association has dropped its gloves for a fight. Unfortunately for the NHL, they will most likely lose this fight, despite being in the right (for once) in this situation. Nevertheless, I'm sure that this little contract loophole will be closed up during the next CBA, yet don't be surprised if that takes about three seasons to work out.

It really is a shame though. The NHL finally put its foot down over something that everyone in the league knew was circumventing the cap, and the NHLPA goes and picks a fight about it. Yes, it was to be expected, the NHLPA are world renowned dicks. Still, it's a shame to see the NHL go down in the one battle that they're actually fighting for the right thing in.

Salo Injured-Was The Weekend So Slow That This Is News?

Hey guys sorry for no posts this weekend, but it was a busy couple of days and nothing really happened, other than Sami Salo getting injured...again. Saying Salo is injury prone is like saying that I hit my children too much and have intimacy issues- so obvious that it goes beyond saying. Anyway, what makes it funnier is that he apparently injured himself playing floor hockey. What's even worse is that it was an Achilles' Tendon tear, which is an incredibly painful injury that takes a long time to recover from (and often involves surgery).

Still, this may prove to be good news for Kevin Bieksa. Everyone assumed that once Keith Ballard came into town, that it spelt the end of Bieksa, for the Canucks wanted to clear up cap space and a cluttered blue line. However, now that Salo is going to be sidelined for a solid amount of time, retaining Bieksa's services may now be a necessity, if not a temporary one. Nevertheless, if a team sends over an offer tantalizing enough, I have no doubt that the Canucks will most certainly ship him out of there.

P.S.

Heathen Hockey is now looking for one or two more writers to add to its stuff, so if you're interested in writing for Heathen Hockey, contact us at HeathenHockey@gmail.com. You'll need to demonstrate a strong grasp over the game, as well as a wealth of knowledge about the league. Send an email if you're interested.

Five Things We’d Change About Hockey If We Lived In Ancient Sparta

If for some reason we were teleported back to ancient Sparta, or if for some reason or society is taken over by a bunch of shirtless men in capes, here's what we'd change about our favorite game:


1. Increase the Frequency of Dramatic Kicking

As all Spartans know, you aren’t a true Greek warrior unless you kick people dramatically after turning a phrase against them. Now we know that a lot of players don’t speak English, so we’re not asking for “This is Sparta” caliber one-liners. The only thing that we care about is the leg spearing.

2. Allow Players To Use Their Skates As Weapons

Skates are dangerous cutting machines, just ask Michael Del Zotto and Teemu Selanne.
Though there is a good amount of violence in hockey, from the fighting, to the incidental high sticking of players (now referred to as pulling a Higgins or getting Belangered), to the players who get hit in the face with the puck, there needs to be more intentional bloodshed. Playing the team whose player concussed your star sniper? Don’t settle for a fight- cut his abdomen. That’s how the Greeks did it.

3. Replace All Goal Songs With A Chorus of Manly Grunts

The Rangers’ Goal Song isn’t masculine enough for a Spartan Warrior- and don’t even think for a second that “Chelsea Dagger” is either. The only thing truly fitting for a warrior with the strength of ten Persian men is just to have grown men grunting and growling into the PA system for ten minutes.

4. Take Junior Players From Their Mothers and Replace the AHL With A Giant Wolf

Nothing prepared the Spartan Warriors for battle more than being separated from their mothers for the majority of their childhood, and nothing was as beneficial to Leonidas as having to kill that giant wolf. Therefore, this idea makes sense…to a Spartan.

5. Each Team Must Be Captained By Gerard Butler

Additionally, all alternate captains must have CGI enhanced muscles, and be forgettable supporting actors that allow Gerard Butler to be the focus of every scene.

Ten Things That Are More Fun To Play Hockey With Than Pucks

The hockey puck- it's like a blackened disc of incredulous spectacularity. It is the solid manifestation of the elixir that runs through the sport's arteries, and it breaks people's teeth. Now I obviously don't need to explain the importance of the puck to the greatest game played north of the American border- it's a hallowed object, treated with the utmost respect...unless you're Chris Pronger. Still, there are a few things that are more fun to play hockey with than pucks, and here's ten of them.

1. Small Children

There is nothing that fixes a bad day more than bashing five year olds into walls. Period. I've done this many a time, and it is quite the good time. In fact, I enjoy playing hockey with kids so much that I check them into walls even if I'm not at the rink. I'm not legally allowed to drop my kids off at school anymore because of it. Now I know that this column should be about replacing pucks with various items, and not about what's fun to play the actual game with. Therefore, I'm still going to say kids. I guarantee you that nothing would feel more satisfying than ripping your best friend's son past your best friend to score a goal.

2. Grenade

Imagine hot potato, but with hockey sticks and the fear of dying.

3. Ex-Wife's iPhone

I mean in all fairness, you did indirectly buy it for her through alimony checks.

4. A DVD of "Valentine's Day"

I'm not sure if this would actually be fun, but I do know this: the best purpose that that DVD serves is as anything other than a DVD. It makes a great coaster, a great thing to throw at people, a great hand bag- it would probably be a better home than a DVD.

5. William Faulkner's "The Sound and the Fury"

This may not be fun if you're on the slower side, or if you're anything like Andy Sutton. However, it will be cool if you're on the more clever side and want to read some quality literature while braced against the boards. This may be hard for a lot of foreign born players, however I think it could be easier for some of the North American players- especially if you have a name like Brendan Witt- in which case your dazzling cleverness should carry you through.

6. A Book Of Helpful Tips- The First of Which Is Don't Make a Post Ten Things When You Can't Even Think of Five

Seriously, I had trouble even thinking of the first two.

7. A Bag Of Napalm

Your friends will find it hilarious when you shoot at them?

8. A First Aid Kit

I guess this is only applicable if you do number seven.

9. A Stack Of Heathen Hockey Fliers

Doing promotion for us means that I don't have to go home and deal with my self esteem issues- more readers means less judgement from the whole of my family.

10. A Puck

This goes down as the stupidest list ever. The puck is the best thing to play hockey with. That's why we play hockey with it...

Perron Re-Signed, Blues Set To Now Win Cup

The St. Louis Blues have been managing their team incredibly well this offseason. First, they fixed their goaltending situation by acquiring Jaroslav "Ken Dryden" Halak. They then proceeded to fix their scoring depth by delving into a shallow free agent market while the getting was still good...oh wait. In actuality, the Blues have done anything but that. Though they need scoring, and they need more defensemen (arguably more than scorers), they nonetheless have not acquired anyone to help their top six.

Which is pretty damn smart.

Though their passive demeanor this offseason has yielded an ennui of the utmost degree, they are using their heads as they rebuild. They're keeping their youth- for the most part- and are biding their time until their core is ready to carry them. David Perron, who scored twenty goals for the first time last season, was re-signed yesterday to a 2-year deal, the specifics of which were not disclosed to the public. If he continues to develop along the same trajectory that he is now, he will undoubtedly be an excellent player in the league. Thus, I applaud the Blues for being patient. As one can deduce merely from glimpsing around the league- homegrown youth movements win cups. Was I being facetious when I said the Blues are set to win the Cup? Absolutely. Am I being facetious when I say that they could win it in the next ten years if they continue to rebuild smartly? Well that depends on whether they actually do that, because I don't want to look like an idiot.

Kovy Update- Absolutely Nothing Different Than What Was Reported

As it turns out there isn't really that much to report on in this new chapter of The Kovy Chronicles: The Lion, The Witch, And The Indecisive. In fact, the situation is fairly simple. The NHL believes that Kovy's seventeen year deal circumvents the salary cap because they don't think he will be playing until he's 44. As a result, they rejected the contract. Now what can happen next is the Devils can either re-file the contract, or the NHLPA can file a grievance, which would deem the deal dead in the water until an arbitrator oversaw the proceedings.

Though I'm not sure how this works in terms of his being able to sign with other teams, but it will be interesting to see if the Devils next offer is sub par to the Kings 80 million dollar one. My guess is he'll still stay with the Devils, it's just the numbers may need to be reworked. Then again, if they don't have the cap space to pay him the way he wants to be paid, it could mean the Kings, the KHL, or even the Islanders or Maple Leafs. Either way, it's nice to see the NHL putting its foot down on ridiculous contracts like these.

Emergency Post- NHL Owns Lou and Kovy

For those of you that haven't already heard, Kovy's contract has been rejected by the NHL on the grounds that it circumvents the salary cap. His deal was for seventeen years, and paid him less than a million for a multiple years on the back end of the contract. This is an emergency update, stay tuned for more info in the coming 24 hours.

The Greatest Shootout Goal Since Sliced Bread

For those of you who haven't seen it, Jarod Palmer scored just about the dirtiest shootout goal I've seen in a very long time. The clip below is from July 18, 2010



Sick. Apparently the move was totally intentional, which makes it even sicker. This is just another move in the group of "Let's Straight Up Fuck With The Goalie" dekes. It gives me hope that the day someday will come where a player just hurls his stick at the goalie and proceeds to pick up the puck and toss it in the net. But until then, I guess we'll just have to live with this.

Log Jam- Sounds Tasty, Doesn't Mean It Doesn't Screw Up Rosters

Though I'm sure that many of you aren't even reading this because you're too busy visualizing the delicious treat that would be log jam on toast (I imagine it would be something like Nickelodeon slime, but brown and with sawdust mixed in it). Either way there are quite a few teams with too many quality players at certain positions, and even more teams with the exact opposite problem. So first we'll break down the teams with the surplus of positional players, and then we'll outline possible destinations for these excess players.

The New York Rangers

The New York Rangers have quite a few positional clogs, the first of which is the entire roster. The Rangers have a plethora of young talent, from Derek Stepan, to Chris Kreider, to Ryan Buorque, to Dylan McIlrath, to Ryan McDonagh, to Mike Sauer, to Corey Potter, to Evgeny Grachev, to Christian Thomas. There are too many young players and not enough roster spots to have them all. Nevertheless, the worst clog up of any position is at defenseman. The Rangers currently have eight NHL ready defenseman: Marc Staal, Dan Girardi, Steve Eminger, Michal Rozsival, Ryan McDonagh, Matt Gilroy, Michael Del Zotto, and Wade Redden. Add in prospects Mike Sauer and Corey Potter, and you've got ten players vying for six positions. Additionally, they have too many young forwards that they need to bring up (Stepan, Kreider, Thomas, Grachev, Buorque, Aasen) and a lot of truly awful players that are taking up their spots. The forward log jam can't be fixed by trade, rather they just need to bury Enver Lisin and Brian Boyle, and wait for Prospal and Drury to retire.

Still, the Ranger's biggest problem for this season is at defense. No, having a lot of defenseman is not a problem necessarily, but it's stupid to have untapped wealth wasting away within an organization while bad players with large contracts watch pucks go in the net. The first problem is with age. From a talent perspective the corps should consist of Girardi, Staal, McDonagh, MDZ, Eminger, and Sauer. Yet that won't happen. The Rangers need a veteran presence on the ice, and unfortunately for them the closest things they have to veterans are Eminger, Rozsie, and Redden. Eminger will crack the roster- that's why they traded for him- but Redden and Rozsie are different stories. Rozsival will most likely be on the team just due to the fact that the coaching staff and management like him (I don't know why). Redden on the other hand, most likely won't. His cap hit is huge, and the Rangers now have a plethora of players who are ready to take his spot. My guess is that he'll be waived (because no one will trade for him), and then Gilroy will be traded. Many may disagree with that, as Gilroy was the winner of the Hobey Baker- the award for the best player in college hockey- but here's how I see it. Gilroy is a 26-year old sophomore player, who struggled in his first season as a pro. Am I ready to give up on him entirely as a pro? Absolutely not. But am I ready to give up on him as a Ranger? Yes. There just isn't enough evidence to think that the upside of keeping him here outweighs giving their other players a crack at the roster. Thus, I think the corps will look something like Staal, Girardi, Eminger, Rozsie, MDZ, and McDonagh, with Sauer possibly being a seventh defenseman, a scratch, or first in line for call ups. Then once Rozsie's gone, Sauer will come up.


Boston Bruins

The Boston Bruins are incredibly backed up at center. Between Seguin, Krejci, Bergeron, and Savard, the Bruins have more centers than you can shake a stick at (the stick shaking number for centers is three, by the way) Now according to the Bruins, their solution is to just move Seguin to the wing, and leave it at that. That's not going to work. They will still have three premier centers competing for top six forward spots. Thus, I'd expect Savard to get shipped out of there in a hurry. There have been rumors swirling for a while, and he makes the most sense to move. He's injury prone, older, and is the most established of the three. A team in need of first line center like Edmonton or Toronto would certainly trade for a player like him.

Pittsburgh Penguins

The Pens are just another team with too many centers. Their solution is also to move a center to winger, with Staal having been mentioned quite a few times for a position change. Either way their issue is really a non issue. They now boast arguably the best defensive corps in the East, and have never had a problem scoring goals despite being so deep down the middle, and so shallow along the boards.

Buffalo Sabres

It's not so much of an issue with having too many men at one position, it's more that they need to get certain players a change of scenery, if you catch my drift. Tim Connolly and Drew Stafford, two players closely connected with the franchise by many around the NHL, both need to be traded immediately. Some think Derek Roy also needs to be moved due to his yearly disappearing act in the playoffs, but I disagree. He's a good producer during the regular season, and I'd like him as a first line center on my team, even if he does suffer from Joe Thornton-itis. Nevertheless, they need to acquire a good second line right winger, and Stafford seriously needs to get out of Buffalo. He doesn't produce, and Buffalo needs a fresh regime to carry them to a Cup with Miller in net. The same goes for Connolly, as Tyler Ennis (who scored almost a point per game as a rookie last season in the regular season, and then scored 4 points in six games in the playoffs) is more than ready to take the reigns of the second line. With Niedermayer anchoring their bottom six, Buffalo has to secure a top six that can put the puck in the net, and that means getting rid of the scrubs.

Montreal Canadiens

They're really deep down the middle, and very shallow along the boards. Luckily for them, center is the best place be backed up at, no matter what you intend to do with the assets. If you intend to trade, a good center is always needed by a team somewhere in the league, and if you intend to keep them, centers can usually move to left wing with ease. My guess is that the latter will be case with the Habs. With Lars Eller and Dustin Boyd now in the fold, things get very complicated for them. Nevertheless, I think that the solution is simple; move them to the wing. Gomez and Gionta will most likely need a left winger to complement them, and I'm not entirely sure if Benoit Pouliot is the guy to do that. Thus, I see Eller getting time on the left wing with the two former Devils. Boyd on the other hand, will most likely take the third line center spot. Unless he brings something special to camp, he just doesn't have the kind of production in his history that would warrant top six time.

Toronto Maple Leafs

The Leafs have quite a few defenseman under contract, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but considering their needs at other positions, it would be wise to move some extra assets to try and fill the holes. One name that comes to mind is Tomas Kaberle. He's an elite offensive defenseman, and would fetch a very handsome price I'm sure. The Leafs most dire need is a first line center- so don't be surprised if they go to the Bruins (who have a hole to fill at the blue line) to try and acquire a center.

Now to the teams with the needs.

Columbus Blue Jackets

Despite the fan base clamoring for a first line center to play with Rick Nash, the thing they really need is a blue liner. The Blue Jackets' defensive corps this year was worse than "Atrocity 2: On Ice- The 3D Movie Event". Kris Russell was a diamond in the rough- going +3 with 22 points under his belt in his third season in the NHL. Not bad for a 23 year old on the Columbus Blue Jackets. Still, the fact that people in Columbus desperately want Anton Stralman back on the roster is just a testament to the horrid nature of this blue line. Now their GM isn't one to make blockbuster deals, so don't expect Kaberle to be heading there anytime soon (not that the BJ's have anything that the Leafs want). But I would expect them to make a move for a solid blue liner. Now before we explore the options can we just take a moment to laugh at the fact that the team is the Columbus BJ's? Anyway, a quick way to shore up the blue line is to sign a guy like Willie Mitchell. It's a risk due to his concussion problems this season, but the upside would be tremendous. Nevertheless, there are cheaper alternatives, though they won't bring the same crease clearing physicality. They could trade for Kevin Bieksa, whose rumored price is merely a prospect and a pick. Alternatively, they could also sign a guy like Paul Mara or Marc-Andre Bergeron. Mara is a solid depth guy who played pretty decently for the Habs last season. He can move the puck well enough, and would be a good addition to this utterly awful corps. Bergeron on the other hand is an offensive weapon that is killer on the powerplay. He has his issues- he's small, and is not the greatest defenseman- however, he'd make a great number six guy who could take the point on any team's first powerplay unit. Even a trade for one of the Rangers' many prospects (like Mike Sauer or Pavel Valentenko) would make sense.

Atlanta Thrashers

Need a depth blue liner that is defensively responsible. I'd say probably a third pairing guy because the top four are pretty much locked in stone. Paul Mara would be a good fit for them, however Shaone Morrisson was always solid in Washington, and would be a cheap pick up.

Toronto Maple Leafs

Are in desperate need of a first line center. I'd look for a trade with Boston for Savard or Krejci.

Florida Panthers

Need top six forwards. They need a guy who can put the puck in the net to relieve pressure from Voukoun. A pure sniper like Frolov, if he can get the pieces together, would immensely help the team's anemic offense. Their first round pick will shore up their blue line immensely, as will the addition of Dennis Wideman, though his production has waned in the past couple of years. The Panthers have some good young pieces in place; a pure sniper will bring the whole thing together.

Sorry guys, I got a little lazy at the end of this post, but you guys get the basic gist of the situations. Leave a comment if you want more depth and I'll do another post.