Things We'd Rather Have On Our Team Than Kovie

Welcome to day 1,094 of the great Kovalchuk hunt, which sounds like it should be a lot more satisfying (and fire-arms intensive) than it really is. The options have been narrowed down to essentially this- LA, Newark, and Russia. All three are very appealing...and by all three I mean Los Angeles. Still, the guy wants years, he wants money, and he wants to win, so who knows if someone could blow in and snatch him up. For example, if the Maple Leafs were to trade for Savard (as was quietly rumored recently), then the Leafs could definitely become a contender to land Kovalchuk. They probably wouldn't get him, but they could certainly contend for him. They could even trade for Spezza, which would most likely be even more appealing due to his age compared to Savard's. But I digress. To be honest, I don't care where he goes, because he's not that good. He'll go to the Kings, where if they get one more solid D-man they will win the west. Either way, here is a list of things I'd rather have on my team that Kovalchuk:

Uniforms- Always helpful to have uniforms on your team before you hit the ice...

Vince Vaughn- Announces he's a 'Hawks fan, and they win the Cup within the subsequent two years?

A Skating Rhinoceros- Would still be better defensively than Kovalchuk.

Alex Ovechkin- As long as we're talking about sniping Russians

Johnny Oduya, Patrice Cormier, Niclas Bergfors, Two First Round Picks, And A Second Rounder- Who do you think won out in that rental?

Paul Martin- It's ok that the Devils didn't sign him though, I mean it's not like he went to an already highly skilled divisional rival or anything...

Any Montreal Native- The only things I like more than winning are burning things after you win and recycling jokes about Montrealers burning stuff.

California Gurls- Sun kissed skin so hot, it'll most likely melt the ice and prevent the other team from scoring

Johnny Storm- Same reason as California Gurls (including the sex appeal)

Keenan Thompson- Seriously, have you seen the Knuckle Puck?



Now who would you rather have playing the point on your powerplay?

To pretty much wrap it up, I'd rather have almost any hockey player that can contribute offensively and be held defensively responsible on my team. If Lee Stempniak were going to play for me the way he did for the Coyotes, then I'd rather take him. I'd even take David Backes. Yes, this is a bit of hyperbole, yet the point is clear. Goals are great, you need them to win games (duh), but that doesn't mean that a guy should get ten mill a year just because he can shoot well. There's more to the game than that. Obviously you have to pay your scorers the big bucks, but there's a big difference between the payroll of a Crosby, Ovechkin, or Gaborik (all three of whom are top five goal and point scorers, as well as very responsible players defensively) and a Kovalchuk. Kovie is a seven million dollar guy at most. If I'm a GM though, I give him no more than 6.5.