Five Movies That Would Be Better If They Were About Hockey

Here are five films that we think would be better if they were about hockey.

1. Eat Pray Glove

It's about a goalie who feels unappreciated after his goalie coach parts for the greener pastures of tending to Kari Lehtonen's back.
To learn to love himself, he travels to Italy, India, and Bali- having innumerable love affairs with various men, prayer books, and bowls of pasta along the way. On a scale of 1 to Jonathan Toews, we'd give this movie an Olli Jokinen.


2. Contract

Remember that movie "Contact"? It's the same plot- except the aliens decide to destroy us after contract negotiations stall and the fear of another lockout at the next CBA re-negotiation finally gets to them. On a scale of 1 to Steven Stamkos, we'd give it a Matt Cooke.


3. The Good, The Pad, And The Ugly

A mystical goalie (based on, depicted by, and named Ryan Miller) makes his way through the Wild West- laying down the law with his six shooter. He hides and protects himself behind a pair of leg pads blessed by the hockey gods themselves. However, the audience will undoubtedly be disappointed when they find out that the movie ends after five minutes due to Miller's inability to trek through the west on ice skates. On a scale of 1 to Marian Gaborik, we give this one an Aaron Asham failing miserably.


4. The Skate-Trix

In honor of the Matrix franchise on which this spin off is based, The Skate-Trix will be an outstanding feature film followed by two shockingly disappointing sequels. It would start with classic moments in hockey history played in slow motion (also known as the last NHL Playoff ad campaign), yet would end with a two hour loop of Vesa Toskala getting shat on. On a scale of 1 to Ilya Bryzgalov this one's a David Booth Getting Hit By Mike Richards.


5. The Great Dic-Skater

This one is just a mistake. The movie will remain the same as Charlie Chaplin's classic, however it will be depicted on ice. Still, fans will undoubtedly disappointed as 80% of the audience will undoubtedly be some sort of fetishists- y'know, considering the title. On a scale of 1 to Zach Parise this one's going to be a Canucks Green Men.