My Campaign For A Dubinsky-Crosby Battle Royale

In case you haven't seen it, here is Sidney Crosby's alleged slewfoot of Ryan Callahan last night when the two played in New York.



If you're wondering why I say alleged, it's because it's important to maintain a sense of impartiality and fairness before we extradite Crosby back into the state to pay for his heinous crime. There has been a lot of debate over whether this was a slewfoot at all, however, I think there's little debate as to that. It is, unquestionably, a slewfoot. Many have compared it Ovechkin's slewfoot of Rich Peverley last year (which can be seen here), yet I think in many ways this one is worse. Although the Ovechkin's is arguably the more dangerous of the two- one must understand before making a conclusion that the contexts in which each were committed are incredibly different. Ovechkin's is made battling to a puck, and doesn't seem to be malicious. In fact, Ovechkin didn't even intend for his leg to go behind Peverley's- he wanted the puck. Nevertheless, it's unquestionably a penalty, and it was punished with a two minute minor for tripping. Now, a slewfoot is supposed to be punished with a five minute major. However, due to the context, Ovie's star power, and the perceived intent of the play, he did not receive the misconduct.

With that in mind, Crosby's should not have been punished with a misconduct either. It was not an extreme sweeping motion, and he did not utilize his arms a lot. Nevertheless, Crosby's is still, in my opinion, the more dangerous of the two. He and Cally were not battling for a puck, there was no split decision, and there was no high velocity. Crosby intentionally and deliberately kicked out Callahan's feet. Though his intent may not have been to injure (as is evident by his lack of arm movement), it certainly was to take Callahan out of the play illegally, and to cover up that illegal play subsequently. The same lack of arm movement that one can infer intent from, is evidence that Crosby knew exactly what he was doing, and wanted to get away with it. But of course, he got away with it. He's Sidney Crosby- face of the NHL. You can't market a league with a star whose known as whiny, diving, dirty, punk, can you? Crosby is a winner, and a competitor, and I respect him for his long list of achievements.

Although I do so begrudgingly.


I think we can all agree though that the bigger story here is Brandon Dubinsky's response, as well as his general hatred of Sidney the Kidney.





Classic.

In response to Dubinsky's criticism, Crosby essentially accused Dubinsky of possibly being a slightly dirty player, who he thought was fairly intelligent, and who he thus is surprised at because he thought he was smarter than to accuse him of being a dirty whiner. Yet after the last year or two of dialogue between the two, isn't it about time that we organize some sort of cage match or battle royale between the two of them? Here's how it would go down. We would lure Dubinsky into the cage fight by lacing a path from his home to the fight with the scent of Crosby's whining (which I'm assuming we can condense and put into a vial). We would lure Crosby there by leaving a note about how we have kidnapped Evgeni Malkin, and how he must meet us at the location of the fight if he ever wants to have another scorer play for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Once at the fight, Dubinsky immediately tries to strangle Crosby into a coma, but fails after Crosby dives to the floor and immediately beings looking for Eric Godard to come and protect him. Alas, he is not there, as he is assumedly watching John Scott and Derek Boogaard use humans as pieces in their day long chess tournament. Dubi proceeds to beat Crosby to the point where he never plays hockey again- something that the Penguins are heart broken over. Nevertheless, they persevere, move Malkin up to the top line (where he would be on any other team), and they proceed to use Crosby's cap space to sign scorers so that they can get actually have more than two on the roster at any given time. They then continue on to win multiple Stanley Cups due to their superb coaching, excellent defensive corps, above average power play, top notch penalty kill, and balanced scoring depth. Or at least, that's how I imagined it.

In order for this to work, we're almost automatically going to have to launch a letter writing campaign. In fact, just start wearing signs around. That's the best way to garner attention for anything. If you have any ideas as to how to get this to happen, implement them immediately, and make sure you do so without consulting anyone- especially if the ideas seem reckless and, or dangerous to the safety of those around you.